|
Newsletter from Nancy
Spring 2008 Newsletter:
Forgive, Amends & Reconciliation The Oxford Dictionary of Current English says,
My goodness! Not much there that sounds good to me. ..."cease to feel"....... There's a challenge!. "..make minor alterations....". In feelings, I suppose that means. The problem is, it generally doesn't feel particularly minor. ...."make friendly....submissive...."I don't like that at all. I can go with harmonize. Settle feels too much like what we tend to do all too often, to our own detriment.
Have you seen the movie, "Truth and Reconciliation"? Amazing. Exceedingly thought provoking. People who watched their families be slaughtered, raped, tortured, listened to the perpetrator and were able to reconcile. I think we all know of the Rabbi who watched his family being murdered during a synagogue service and forgave the perpetrator, in the moment!
It all feels to me like a valiant leap into transcendence that takes deep commitment to ones self and self growth, and actually has eventual ramifications for the safety of the planet. I wonder if I am up to the challenge.
It does all come down to safety and trust, however. I teach couples that they cannot be vulnerable and take risks with their partner unless they feel emotionally, verbally, physically, and spiritually safe with that partner. It's the same with countries, tribes, communities, strangers, enemies, neighbours, family.
How do you learn to trust and feel safe with someone who has wounded you, possibly more than once?
I think it begins with the genuine regret of the wounding person. Taking ownership and responsibility, and acknowledging the pain of whoever has been wounded is the beginning. That requires listening to the story of the wounded person over and over again until understanding has been reached. To feel understood means hearing from the other that your feelings make sense. Over and over again.
It takes time, guidance, patience, hope, to genuinely heal and both feel safe enough to reconnect, at a far deeper level of connection than ever before because of the pain and anguish both have experienced and shared together.
The language for all of this is about choosing to let go and move beyond because that is what is best for YOU. Ultimately relationship is about healing: yours and mine. We all heal in connection. We can connect when we feel safe. We feel safe when we are understood. And we can be understood when we have told our story deeply enough that it can all make sense: the hurt that each felt, what propelled it to happen, and healing the wound.
I have a 2 day intensive seminar for one couple at a time, that can gently and respectfully help both of you understand and move forward in your healing. For 2 days, 6 hours each day, the three of us focus on what happened, learn why it happened, and hear each other's pain about it. Understanding goes a long way toward healing.
Follow-up sessions, at least two, might be helpful.
Better understanding of yourself and your partner are assured.
Contact me for further information regarding cost and dates available, if both of you are committed to doing this.
Mindful Maintenance For Your Relationship Spring is here and the blossoms will soon begin to make us smile, soak up the sun and soft breeze in our soul, and emerge with pleasure from the hibernation of winter. Carefully, gently, sweetly we become mindful of new beginnings. We remember other springs when love was fresh and new. And very exciting. Being conscious, intentional and mindful about maintaining the joy and pleasure in your relationship is a gift you can give each other. It makes sense that life's distractions unconsciously put your relationship near the bottom of the heap of everything else that needs immediate attention. However, all those other things will fall into place and be much easier to attend to if you feel safely connected and happily in love with your partner.
I offer a 12 hour Imago Intensive that couples consistently find hopeful and useful. They renew some promises to each other that deepen the feeling of being seen, heard and understood. You don't have to always agree with each other! But if you feel understood, your intimate connection will deepen and your emotional safety in the relationship will strengthen your love for each other and your united commitment to being a team in all of life's challenges.
For six hours, 2 consecutive days, just the two of you meet with me in my friendly, welcoming home/office. My partner prepares a lovely lunch, you receive a manual that gives you many further ideas to work and play with when you go home. I teach you about you and your relationship, you learn much more about yourself and your partner. Together we laugh, grow, and connect.
Some things others have said about the Intensive: "If you do not understand the inside, you cannot understand the outside." "After (these two days), I personally have more clarity, and that means the world to our relationship." "This truly was a great experience, and I hope to look back upon it as another key step in the long term happiness between (us). I know we will be committed and happy forever. I will recommend this to my closest friends. Thank you!" For more information, please click here. |
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obliged to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it."
—The Talmud
 | ||||||||||||||||||
© 2008
Nancy Ross, Imago Relationship Therapy, Advanced Clinician & Workshop Presenter, Toronto, Canada |
||||||||||||||||||||
