Blooming Relationships Goes Out on a Limb

I''m Back!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Thu, 08 May 2008 19:32:00 +0000

It was 2007 when last I wrote! Much has happened since then. With you as well, I am sure.

My health challenges are smoothing out beautifully. Being proactive is helpful. Soon, I start beginner's yoga. I walk Aimee daily, do affirmations, visualize, read, think, listen to music, listen the the music inside me and leave the words out.

Eckhart Tolle is my current fascination. In The Power of Now, he eventually appears to be quite like Imago, if you read far and long enough, and do some personal interpreting. To my dismay, it seems to me he doesn't go deep enough into our psyche, like ancestors, cellular memory, the affect childhood has on all of us. However, he helps me focus, settle, think, and relax.

Biggest news is Clo and I are going to Vienna for the second time in 8 months: May 16 through June 3, with a 3 day weekend in the middle to spend in Salzburg. This is a grand and glorious return to places we loved last time, and doing some new, but particularly an opportunity to meet new people.

One of our many exciting plans is the meet people from the gay and lesbian community. It is my understanding that there is a strong community and I have to suspect there might be interest/need for some guidance in communicating safely in an intimate relationship. I offer a 2 day, 9 am to 3 pm Imago Intensive for one couple at a time. If anyone is curious, check my web: www.couplerelationshiptherapy.com I would love to return, soon, to guide, facilitate, teach and encourage gay and lesbians in the journey toward intimacy and healing.

Hope to hear from anyone who is curious. Warmly, Nancy Ross

WINTER IS HERE!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 14:33:00 +0000

I love winter. I especially love it when somebody else does the major part of the snow shoveling. I like the soft, fluffy snow that I can sweep. I like the part of being housebound ( for a day or two) and making and eating soup, reading and having a good Scotch at 4 pm. Cosy, comforting, calming and healing.

Since my drama in the cardiac unit just about 4 months ago, healing has been a big focus for me. I look at couples and realize their wounds go very, very deep indeed. Imago teaches that we are wounded in childhood. What if it goes further back then that? What if we come into this world carrying the pain of forever in our very cells? How do we access that knowledge? What can we do to help ourselves and each other heal so going forward will be glorious?

One possibility I recently experienced is self hypnosis. I would call it a very deep and very long visualazation. A CD with the ocean sounds playing quietly in the background , Helen's very soothing voice guiding me, I was lying on a warm comfortable table with a blanket over me, Helen was drumming just a little, with one drum sound just above my head going oh, so very deep into my soul. She ended the experience suggesting I find a box and look to see what was inside. I felt some unseen essence hand me a blue, square box with a bow on it. Inside I found my own ancient piece of black lava that I lost many years ago and had totally forgotten about. It is a hand gripper, with 4 finger holds on one side.

I am left thinking, wondering, resting, healing, going gently with myself. Early in 2008 I plan to do another self hypnosis session with Helen Zador, a gentle, nurturing, generous, genius. I will keep you updated.

Warmly, Nancy Ross

Houghton Lake, Toronto, Vienna, Budapest, and back to Houghton Lake

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 13:41:00 +0000

Last time I wrote I had brilliantly succeeded the challenge of getting my pluse rate up and my blood pressure down. All is well! I spent a restful and affirming and filling week at my daughter's cottage at Houghton Lake, where Aimee runs free and blissful and I absorb and breathe!

Since then I have been to Austria and Hungary and back to Toronto. And am preparing in my mind and heart for a return week at Houghton Lake, maybe in Feb. My do I feel like a traveler with polarities as my quest.

Peace, quiet, affirmation, desire to connect. Suddenly I find myself on Air Austria, headed to Vienna for an Imago International Conference, a week wine tour in Hungary, 2 nights in Budapest one day of which was at the Spa!

Old. Ancient. History. Debth. Awesome. Very moving to learn the history from as far back as the 8th centery of Hungary. We had a wonderful guide who taught us and interpreted for us and a driver who quietly and unobtrusivly got us everywhere very safely and with no stress.

Highlights: Viennes Ball where we dressed formally! Straus and Mozart concert, opera, Fidillo. Albertina and Belvedere art museums, ruins from the 8th and 9th centery, Roman ruin, ancient churches, St. Stephen's church, magnificent grounds and gardens, art I never imagined I would see, music I only dreamed of hearing.

I met a psychologist who is a hypnotherapist and hope to have further contact: Juan Jose Rios. I want him to teach me hypnotherapy and I want to work with him guiding couples into past life regression and future life progressions.

My message to the Universe: some one in Houghton Lake contact me for the purpose of working with couples once a month. Juan Jose Rios contact me for the purpose of teaching me hypnosis and I will teach him Imago. I will keep you updated!!! Warmly, Nancy

Houghton Lake, Michigan: a place to heal.

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 18:25:00 +0000

My, I haven't written since Aug. So much has happened and what I mostly want you to know and celebrate with me is that I am alive and well and may even be able to tell a bit about it!

My heart started to run away with me. Not in the romantic sense! In the ticking inside me very rapidly and jumping around none stop sense. My experience in the hospital included a week on the cardiac unit, to say nothing of so many angels along the way who literally held my life in their hands, loved me and guided me. I tried to leave this physical world. But the in-between world would not let me in. Literally. All I got was a huge, stolid, black cement wall. Call as I did for help from the non physical, over and over again, angels on this side held on to me and warmed my heart back into now.

I love it here! I am ready to stay. I have work to do. One of the jobs is to write. I am a teacher, a healer, and a writer. I am so blessed. My daily mantra is, "I love my life. And I am filled with joy!"

My partner and I went to my daughter and son-in-law's cottage on Houghton Lake in Michigan for several days to begin healing from our hospital experience. Without a question of a doubt, my partner is the primary angel in my entire story. She literally saved my life by getting me to the emergency room----- just in time.

Houghton Lake. A sanctuary, quiet, a relief, a place where my heart lives and my mind heals. Lazy little town with nothing of great note except the largest inland lake in Michigan and energy that holds my heart. We will spend more time there. I could work there. I would like that.

Anyone in Houghton Lake want an Imago Relationship Therapist? Check my web: www.couplerelationshiptherapy.com I could come one week a month if I had a lovely office and couples who want me. You help to heal my heart. I will help you to heal your relationship.

Doesn't feel like there is much more that wants to be said right now. I may be a writer, and I also am in process. I write when I write. In love and life! Nancy

CAUGHT IN A WEB

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 15:29:00 +0000

Recently a client used the phrase. "Caught in a web." It meant something different to the client than it does to me and that is of course, just fine! I've used it in previous blog writings. I find myself wanting to understand more about what I mean when I say, "I am feeling 'caught in a web again'." Today I do not feel caught. So I am going to try to put words to my expereince for when that happens to me. Words from conscious distance.

CAUGHT IN A WEB. A PSYCHIC WEB. Or maybe it is better to say, a web of unconsciousness. I feel connected to a greater reality and a deeper knowing than usual. I don't feel fully of this world. I do feel more of All -That- Is. And I feel a wanting to know more.

Do any of you watch the Fri. evening 9 pm TV program MEDIUM? Allison sees more than I do. She dreams clearer than I do. She learns from what she sees and dreams. She trusts her connection with the unconscious. I don't know how she ever gets any rest. She is doing so much work in her dreams. But she seems pretty generally at peace with it. And she makes a living dreaming and knowing about more than "meets the eye," as my mother would say.

Maybe we all do! Make our living informed by our dreams and informed by our unconscious knowing. She takes time to "integrate." Remember how she sometimes naps on the couch and tells her ever patient partner that she needs "integration" time? I do that too. I hope you remember to do that sometimes as well. Maybe you integrate the world around you and what you know and are unconsciously learning by gardening, or cutting up vegetables, or playing the piano like my mother-in-law used to do. I do mine by walking my puppy or resting on my futon.

Back to my Psychic/Unconscious Web. Sometimes it takes me days or weeks to know what is going on. Mostly I need confirmation from outside myself to understand and put words to my feelings. Allison, in the TV program MEDIUM gets her answers from inside herself. Her own wise, intuitive, and creative knowing. That is my next learning. Outside in. Inside out. Back and forth. That is how we grow and learn. Currently I get an inside feeling and need outside confirmation to understand. Next I will get an inside feeling, and trust my inside knowing and decide what I want to do with the knowing in the outside world. If anything. Maybe I just leave the knowing in the knowing and go on with my life.

Feels exciting. I want to feel that Web again. See if I am learning something different to do about me when it happens. Someday I might not have to wait for it to "happen" to me. But will be able to call it forth at will. I'll keep you in the loop, so to speak! (:

FINAL SESSION RE: OH, MY, THE PAIN!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 13:20:00 +0000

I promised to update you re: the progress of this couple I have mentioned with the twins, baby, intimacy, and trust issues. Everytime I sit down to write more, I hesitate. Although it is true that I no longer see this couple, they have moved out of the country, and they gave me permission to share their story, I still feel there are couples who might too closely see themselves and get hurt. So------I have decided to leave this story for a few more years.

Suffice it to say as far as I know, they are still together, still seeing an Imago therapist nearer where they live and they did an astonding, risking, brilliant, and valiant job of stuggling for a couple of years with me. They both shared their story, the pain of their relationship, the hurts, betrayals, and neglects they both felt throughout their time together, over and over and over, in my office. No matter how difficult it was a the moment, both took session after session, to quietly hear and honour, and attempt to understand the other's experience and pain.

That is what is takes: someone to hold the relationship, keep you both safe and contained, while you each open your heart to receive and to give. To receive your partner's experience, no matter how much it does not agree with your experience or your memory of what happened. To open heartedly listen so many times, to so much, that slowly you begin to understand, not agree with, but understand what happened from your partner's point of view. And then receive the same gift from your partner as you open heartedly share and are eventually understood.

Write to me if you want to do so. We can talk further if you think that would be helpful.

Warmly, Nancy Ross

MORE: IMPORTANT LESSONS LEARNED FROM AIMEE,CONTINUED

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 14:21:00 +0000

See 1) and 2) written previously.

3) What to do when afraid:

Run! Don't walk! To the nearest safe body. Jump right into their arms. Press tight against their chest and wiggle around until they are holding you firmly. Put your head on their shoulder, look into their eyes with trust and love, grunt and moan a little until they begin to softly mummer soothing love words. Make a few last wiggles of adjustment so you are certain you have it exactly right. Take a very deep in-breath and let it out for a long time. Moan with pleasure. Close your eyes, and feel your body go limp! Works every time.

4) How to let the important people in your life know you are ready to leave the house:

Sit very quietly and patiently by the front door. First look longing out the window of the door with your back to the rest of the household like you really couldn't care less what they are doing and you are doing very well for yourself, thank you very much! Then turn around facing the household with back to door, give a deep sigh, a tiny little mummer yip and begin to wag your tail expectantly. Stay that way for as long as it takes, making little mummer yips with increasing frequency. After about 10 minutes max. bark. Empathically. This creates the suggestion that more than just a walk about is required!

When all else fails, go to the door where your outside "clothes" are kept and repeat above. If you still aren't successful (remember, patience is a virture here), go to the back door and repeat above. If that doesn't work, squat on the carpet in front of someone significant.

Successful, without a doubt!

Mostly what Aimee teaches me is to be patience, to always look at the world about me with loving eyes, to forgive easily, and to bark, then pee when all else fails.

Enough for now. NAR

OH, MY, THE PAIN!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 15:14:00 +0000

He comes from a culture and a family that has taught him and modeled for him male distance and male importance. Men's time matters. Work, play, friends, attention, needs, plans, hopes, he has every reason to believe he can have it all, have it all often, and have a family of his own as well.

She comes from a culture and family that taught her she isn't very special or important, she can expect small bits and pieces from friends and family, and everything she works for and wants can be taken away in a moment's time.

He has an important job that makes good money. He does extra work to assure he and his family can have special things. She chooses to be at home with the twins and the baby. Both are tired, lonely, shut down emotionally and afraid. They have been married for ten years and are relatively new to this country.

He felt exhausted, unseen, unappreciated, and in need of attention. She felt exhausted, unseen, unappreciated, and in need of attention. He made an emotionally intimate but not sexual connection with an old girl friend from high school. She made a sexually intimate connection with a new male friend from the neighbourhood.

Both are furious with the other. Both see themselves as justified, and find themselves unable to forgive, forget, let go, or move on. The only way out either see is divorce. With 3 children, two boys who are 4 years old and an eighteen month old girl, they have at least 20 years ahead of them to co-parent. She says, "If you weren't there for us when we were married, how can I ever expect you will be when we aren't?" He says, "If you don't appreciate how hard I work, how important you are to me, how much I do for you, how can I ever trust you will include me in parenting when we are divorced?"

I would like your comments on this couple. I will share more of our progress together over time. We have been working together for a year, several months in-between sessions as they live several hundred miles away. They currently do not live together. I will share what we have done, what we hope to do, and our successes and failures. They have, by the way, given me permission to share their story. None of us knows if it has a happy ending. I expect only the children will really be able to tell us, 30 years or more from now.

Comments please. Warmly, Nancy Ross

I WILL LEAD THE PARADE, LAUGHING!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 01:24:00 +0000

When I pass over from the physical to the non-physical, I know I will be met by legions of well wishers, loved ones, ancestors, teachers, guides, angels, the whole slew. And I will lead the parade laughing! I will laugh out loud at myself. On and on----I don't understand time, but time won't matter. The heavens will echo my laughter and we will all know the joke and take great pleasure in sharing it together: I didn't need to make this life so difficult. Never did I need to angst, anguish, fret, and stew to this extent. I exhaust myself with worry. They aren't laughing at me. But we certainly will all laugh together. What an enormous joke I have played on myself!

I will laugh with pleasure, joy, and pure bliss when I release this physical body and return to the non-physical. And I know I will also pause for a few moments of sorrow. I will grieve that I forgot what I knew when I first came here. I spent endless hours being afraid, needlessly. I always knew there is nothing to be afraid of. Why did I let myself forget? Better yet, why do I constantly continue to let myself forget? This isn't a once in a life-time forgetting occurrence here. I have perpetual mind slippage.

I fear poverty. I look around me and see beauty and abundance. I hear music, laughter and loving voices. I see my puppy: pure innocence. This sweet little one who never for a moment doubts she is loved and safe. Man! If my puppy knows she is safe, what makes me loose trust that I am safe? Can't I be as loved, as precious, as vulnerable, desirable, and valuable as a precious puppy? If I can love Aimee unconditionally, and know she loves me unconditionally, why do I find it so difficult to believe a source greater than I am could love me, keep me safe, protect me, give me all I want, wish for, need, and deserve?

I started to say because I am dumb. But I don't even have that as an excuse. I'm not dumb. But I am human. This human condition! I chose what I wanted to focus on. I can shed the physical when I am well learned and ready for the non-physical again.

I find that exciting and empowering. I get to do what I want to do. I even get to angst, anguish, and stew if I want to do that. Last night at my Abraham group I really saw the metaphor of paddling up stream. I have emotionally and physically worn myself out by paddling up stream. I am not even going to turn the canoe around. I am just going to stop paddling. Maybe I'll drop the oars. I could watch them float ahead of me, down the stream of life. All the rest will be done for me.

I DO NOT HAVE TO WORK SO HARD! I DO NOT HAVE A DEBT I OWE! There is NOTHING that I do not deserve to have if I want to have it. Nothing. Aimee deserves the very best life possible. Never has she done a thing to not deserve. She is total love, total innocence. If she is, surely I can be as well.

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Thu, 05 Jul 2007 00:09:00 +0000

IMPORTANT LESSONS ABOUT LIFE AIMEE, THE MOST ADORABLE PUPPY ON THE PLANT, HAS TAUGHT ME:

*** How to fall asleep-- Step 1) Turn around in a full circle 3 times, 2) curl up in a tight ball, 3) sigh really, really BIG, 4) fall asleep!

*** How to make, and keep, friends-- Step 1) Pick the right and perfect toy that will intice that paricular friend, 2) Put it in front of that person where they can not possibly miss it, 3) move around as the friend tries to evade you, 3) make cute little throat sounds that are something like, "ummph, rummmpgh", 4) keep trying, you will NEVER get what you want if you give up! 5) be totally persistant until the friend gives in and agrees to play, 6) grrrr happily when friend sucombs, 7) wrape your warm, cuddly body around the friend's legs, 7) sigh blissfully.

More later. NAR

A HALF CENTURY? OH, MAN!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:51:00 +0000

RAMBLINGS ON A SUMMER DAY

Fifty years is a LONG time. Fifty years plus 21, even longer. Clo, my life partner of 16 years just turned 50. In Sept., I turn 71. Dear goddess and all the angels, how did we get so many years under our belt??? And on our waist-line and etched on our faces.

We had a week of grand and glorious celebration. We have been celebrating: 50 years of life, both hard and soft, on this planet, for Clo; the magnificent job she has done in the renovation of our home and yard; the beautiful summer retreat area our back yard gives us and those we love; friends; relatives; differences; the French, American, and Canadian connections in Clo's life as well as mine; blending families; catching up with old friends; and integrating new friends.

Whew. Quite a job. I didn't look at it so clearly until just now as I was writing. No wonder I've been tired. Clo kept going. She does. Pretty soon she will be tired, too. Right now, she keeps going.

We had twice as much food as we needed. Good! I ALWAYS fear not having (thus, not being, of course!) enough. Multi-cultural food with: sushie, samosas, salsa, egg rolls, tapenade, fruit, veggies, baggette, marvelous cheeses from lots of places, St. Honeree Cake, can't think what else.

That was Sat. night. Sun. was a grand tour of wine country in a limo with 9 woman. What a hoot! Lunch at Henry of Pelham's and dinner at Strewn. Home by eleven, safe and sound, tired, full (of food, laughter, fun, learning, connection, loveliness, and love).

Don't wait until you are 50 to celebrate yourself! Life feels difficult sometimes. Time out, into a space bubble of your own making, to intensely experience the moment and you and what you have created thus far in this life time, helps make sense out of being here on this planet.

Why are we here? Who am I? Where do I belong? Whew!! Big questions. Some of my answers to those questions would be: I am Clo's partner, mother of 4, grandmother of 3, one of two mother's of Aimee, psychotherapist, dreamer, writer, friend. One of my many delights is working with couples. I am trying to build, in my fashion, a bridge between my U. S. culture and Clo's Quebec culture.

What would your answers to those 3 questions be? Dialogue with your partner about them. It's fun. Helps you feel connected, grounded, updated. Who you are today is not who you were 20 years ago or who you will be in 15 years. That's good! Change and transition are a constant. We are always transitioning from day to night, old to new, pain to health, negative to positive, sad to happy. The challenge of change and transitions must be shared with your partner. If you don't take intentional note that a new baby has come into the family and that changes things; or you have just returned from a business trip and are a different person than when you left; or you have made a decision to do something in a new way, the change of energy between the two of you will be felt but unexpressed. And that causes distress, tension, pain.

Take at least 20 minutes every evening to intentionally check-in with each other about who it is you are today. Just listen. Don't judge. And as always, remember to breathe!

Warmly, Nancy Ross

AGING: WHAT A CHALLENGE! AND DELIGHT!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Fri, 25 May 2007 20:10:00 +0000

I honestly thought it would be a piece of cake! A walk in the park. Literally, actually. I saw myself walking, hiking, exploring, visiting, learning. Like taking bird watching classes and going on trips with Elder Hostel.

Imagine my surprise (and I bet you certainly can) when I woke up one morning, realized I would soon be 71 years old, and had to get ready to go to work so I could pay the mortgage. Where was the part about retire at 65 (or sooner for some), be mortgage free and available for travel and hobbies? And how about bored? Wasn't I supposed to be bored and have to learn new ways of using my time well?

More and more of us are realizing the cost of living makes it impossible to retire in our sixties if we want to continue with the life style we have come to enjoy and expect. I don't at all think that is a bad thing! Quite the contrary, actually. Some of us are creating new ways to make a living. Some are taking a long time love, possibly a previous hobby, something we haven't had time for in the past, and are learning to turn that dream into suplimenting our income. Absolutely fun! Brings renewed energy, hope, joy, challenge.

One of the unexpected and particularly blessed gifts I have discovered in my aging, is how to open myself to the spiritual world-----again. I remember that I knew how to do this as a child. I forget what I know. And I scare myself. The power of the energy that seems to surround me sometimes makes me think I am tired. When really what I am is scared. What could possibly be so scary about intensly feeling the energy of someone else? It doesn't make sense to me. But it has been true.

Thirty years ago I was married to the father of my four children who are now grown and have families of there own. I almost never see him. Haven't had a bit of contact with him in many years. My children don't see him very often either. His choice. A few weeks ago I found myself intensly absorbed by an energy that for lack of better words, I call a psychic web. For 2 days I constantly thought about him: about him dying, us talking, me saying "Once we loved each other. What do you think happened?"

The power of that experience so absorbed me that I could think of little else for 2 days and it continued to hover for 3 more days. I believe unconsciously his spirit was seeking me. I don't know for what purpose. I make up his body, his spirit as well, was taking a significant step toward dying. I would like to believe he wanted contact with me for the purpose of connecting like we never were really able to do. I doubt that is true. What is probably more likely is his spirit, which is way wiser than he has been able to be, was reaching out knowing that healing needed to happen and could in fact happen, if he could let it. He can't. I am sorry.

I've been caught in a psychic web before and expect I will be again. Aging is helping me trust and believe in myself. Sometimes I know important things and it doesn't matter one bit if anyone else knows it. My daughter called her father and asked him if he was alright. He said absolutely and denied anything had happened at all. I don't believe him. But I do suspect he may not have known something was happening. His unconscious was trying to reach me, but he was still too something----scared maybe, to let that happen. Probably too angry as well!

If we are all one, and we return to the source, when a part of him, or anyone else for that matter, dies, a part of me dies as well. Of course I could feel it.

Have you seen the movie"POWDER". An excellent movie about the pain, challenges, and gifts of a young albino man. There is a scene in the woods with hunters who have killed a deer. He forces the hand of the hunter who shot the gun onto the deer's heart and the killer experiences the throes of death with the deer as he died. It was powerful and has stayed with me over the years. I don't remember the protagonist's name. But I can see his pain as he tried to teach humanity to someone who was doing random violence. What happens to one happens to all. I didn't used to really understand that. Now I think I do.

GO OUT ON A LIMB WITH NANCY!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Fri, 25 May 2007 19:44:00 +0000

Q: How do I tell my 10 year old twin sons that I no longer love their daddy and am in love with someone else?

Nancy: Gently, carefully, lovingly, and probably several times. Let them ask questions. And give them honest answers. Your biggest task is to be certain they understand that you may have left daddy, but you are not leaving them. They need to know, by your actions even more than your words, that they come first, even, or especially, with a new man in your life.

SO! That means, if the boys need something from you, and it conflicts with something the new man in your life wants, you chose attending to the boys first and him second. If this is a relatively new relationship, you may find that difficult to do. And he may resent that you do it. But the two of you must talk about this, because it absolutely will happen at some point, and you must both be committed to your sons' well being and their sense of safety in this world.

Ten years ago you and their father signed up for a lifetime committment to two new born babies. Keeping them emotionally, physically, verbally, and spiritually safe is your biggest job in life. Tell the boys that mommy and daddy are going to create a new life without each other but with both of them. Give them information: when they will see each of you, where their bedroom will be, what school they will be going to-----and that mommy loves someone else who also loves them and wants them to be happy.

Your actions and the actions of the man you are now in love with will do the work for you. Your words can be few. When they see and feel you with them and that you haven't changed how you feel about them, they will feel safer and more open to someone else coming into their world.

Lots of luck. And keep me posted. I am happy to talk about this further.

Warmly, Nancy

SPRING FLING!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 16:40:00 +0000

" SPRING IS NATURE'S INVITATION TO PARTY!"
QUOTE FROM ROBIN WILLIAMS

Every time! Every time I am surprised: the first fat, proud, noisy robin; the first warm sunny day with a blueberry sky and no clouds; the strong, still cold, damp breeze; and the colours. What magnificent colour: blue, yellow, pink, lilac, to say nothing of green becoming green again. Every single time, Nature does an astounding job and my heart leaps with joy. I smile, laugh out loud, and want to celebrate.

Can life get any better than the first spring picnic? Ours was baked chicken, pasta salad with feta and olives, fresh cut raw vegetables and dip, and startling cold white wine. Man. All this and heaven too, as my cousin Gail would say.

Even Aimee ( the most adorable puppy on the plant) can feel it. She has wings on her feet as she flies through the air at the cemetery with her best friend Ginger. They take turns leading the race. Through the woods, around trees, over tomb stones, up and down cliffs. I have no idea how they keep from bumping into something. There certainly is plenty to bump into! When they get tired they play mouth and wrestle. Then they sleep.

Watching Aimee and Ginger share the joy and freedom of this 34 acres of spiritual land, I become contemplative. The names and dates on the stones honour souls who recently as well as long ago, shared this planet with me. We breathed the same air, walked the same hills, felt the same sun, probably had many of the same dreams. As a relationship therapist, I think about them and make up stories.

The story I tell myself is that couples a hundred years ago or so had to work so hard to feed, dress, and house themselves and their families that they had very little time to share intimately about feelings. Not so different from today, as I think of it. Families today tend to have 2 adults going off to work each day, 2 or 3 or more kids needing car pooling to lessons and sports after school, and all of the appointments, meetings, and errands necessary for keeping life going each day.

Not so much time for intimate sharing.

A powerful exercise to intentionally do every day for 10 minutes max. is APPRECIATIONS.

All you do is sit facing each other, or stand for that matter, and one at a time say, " I appreciate that you-------" something your partner said or did during that day. One at a time give three appreciations. The receiver of these appreciations mirrors,"What I hear you telling me is-----(and you parrot or paraphrase, but to not embellish what you heard). Simple. Make eye contact. Focus open heartedly on each other. Allow yourself to receive/accept/take in. And do not judge or criticize.

Then switch. So both have a chance to give and both a chance to receive.

More later about giving and receiving. Time to attend to puppy cakes (aka Aimee). She gets scared at loud noises and there sure is a lot of noise in my house right now. Basement renovation goes on------and on-------and on--

Warmly, Nancy Ross

NEWSLETTER FROM BLOOMING RELATIONSHIPS

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 01:43:00 +0000

At last I have settled into 2007. I wasn't ready there for a while. Now it feels like a welcome and familiar friend.

A major part of my personal life and work life journey lately has been thinking about and trying to understand my energy and my relationship to other people's energy. I find it amazing to consider how connected we are to each other and to everything in nature, while at the same time we are all struggling to have our own unique sense of self. Everything affects me. Which then means, of course, I affect everything. It might seem like a lot of power. Sometimes it feels like a blade of grass on the stormy sea. But most of all it feels like something I want to better understand.

Two things come to mind for me about my growing up years that contribute to my musing about energy. One is a "memory" or a "knowing" (an energetic knowing) that as I was being born I thought to myself, "My goodness! I didn't know this was going to happen again so soon!" The other knowing I have is of my best friend ever, Bradshaw, who was a constant and dependable companion no one else could see, but I talked about whenever given the opportunity. We played together endless hours. Both memories are Stories I Tell Myself (see previous newsletter), because I have talked about this and thought about this often enough over the years that it is far more what my adult mind says and far less about what my adult mind holds in conscious memory.

"I didn't know this was going to happen again so soon", and "Bradshaw", are both about going back and stretching ahead. Continuity. Not ending. Always being. What is this that goes back and stretches ahead? I call it energy. I also call it me.

Some Stories I Tell Myself are that I was an imaginative child, I have had other lives, and I was still connected to another world as a small child. I also tell myself I chose my parents because I had particular lessons to learn and growing to do that could happen with Ruth and Fred as my parents. I certainly took my own sweet time to learn those lessons! But it does seem to be happening. At least, that is the story I tell myself.

I am learning to use my energy and my knowing. I am prepared to guide and facilitate your journey with energy as well. Because I have six decades of experience in stretching and learning, I believe I can facilitate you and you and your partner as your journey together unfolds.

I invite you to join me in some next steps.

Sometimes I wonder if we have already met.

Someday I hope to go to my cottage (that I do not yet have) in the woods of northern Michigan to discover my way into a deeper and deeper knowing. When that happens, I will share the journey with you.

A recent reading I suggest:

"The Law of Attraction", by authors Esther and Jerry Hicks, featuring Abraham.

A recent CD I suggest:

"The Secret", a meditation with Kelly Howell. My grandson downloaded mine from Itunes.

A recent video I suggest:

"The Secret". I find the original one that features Esther Hicks and Abraham more satisfactory than the edition that has edited them out.

Warmly, Nancy Ross

DANCING WITH LOVE AT SURFSIDE

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 22:35:00 +0000

I'm sitting quietly at my desk where I write. "Beethoven at Bedtime" is playing on the CE player in the room next to me where I see clients. Beethoven's Symphony #2, the "Emperor" concerto, Violin concerto in D, the Moonlight Sonata and more. Peaceful, lush, soft, full, soothing, startling. Preparation for a night of dreams. Infolding music, cocooning me in a warm, misty cloud of protection. I relax lazily into my day dreams.

My mind wanders, drifts, is ever moving, not still, dreaming. I see Nick, four years old, dancing on the sand at Surfside in South Carolina. Uncles, aunts, grandparents, mom and dad; all an unnoticed audience in his background, unaware of the drama unfolding in front of them, lulled by the sound of the waves and the warmth of the sun.

Nick swirls, swings, moves with fawn-like grace, as he covers his head with his dad's tee shirt and wraps his tiny, lithe, sun bronzed body in beach towels. Six year old Chris joins, him. Both boys, brightly coloured towels filled with the breeze created by their graceful movements, fling their little boy made sails over their head and fly over the hot beach sand and through the muddy ocean shore. Back to the underside of the steep steps that go up to the condo, they return to their make-do dressing room, where they design another costume.

Emerging from their change room, this time they are Zoro; another time, desert sheiks; then princesses; or lords, or sailors. Always changing, quick as a sunbeam bouncing off glass or crystal, their imagination flings them into another mutually created world. Not communicating with words, these two boys are so wondrously connected that their unrehearsed performance is a seamless flow.

Clo tries to get a photograph. Every time she focuses the camera, they escape. Usually eager to pose for pictures, this seems to be a private game for just the two of them, not to be documented or frozen in time for the family history book. The co-created work of art comes from deep inside each boy and is not intended to amuse others. The game/dance goes on for a long while. We are witnessing the making of magic. Clo and I feel privileged to be present for this act of pure beauty unfolding naturally and unselfconsciously before us.

We realize we are watching the wonder and innocence of childhood as it should be. Amazing creativity, aliveness working/playing/being in tandem. Connected, two moving as one, rhythm, synchronicity. The mutually agreeable world of communication we all long for in our adult relationships. What has happened to us?

Most of us have never known the depth of trust, collaboration and connection exhibited by these two marvelous and profoundly loved little boys. Maybe that's what has happened to us. Most of us have never known the love Chris and Nick receive from their mom and dad, their extended family and friends. How vitally important that children be loved, guided, and nurtured so they can thrive. So that as adults, they continue to be the marvelous beings they were at birth.

....new archetype of partnership.....

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 21:06:00 +0000

The following is a 2 paragraph quote from the latest book by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt entitiled: RECEIVING LOVE.

"There is a new archetype of partnership evolving in our culture. Marriage is alive and well, but the form of marriage is changing, as all forms do when they no longer fulfill their originating purpose. The personal marriage, which is dominant today, focuses on meeting personal needs at the e xpense of the relationship. This is the marriage that is being abandoned by more than 50% of couples every year. The lesson our culture is learning very painfully is that it does not work to be self-centered, to look out only for yourself. We are by nature relational creatures and connection is our essence. Although we cannot actually lose our connections, we can lose our awareness of them. And when we feel disconnected, we not only suffer, but we inflict suffering on others.

The marriage of the future will become a partnership where the focus is no longer on the individuals involved, but on the relationship itself. For the first time in history, marriage will be healing, because it will restore wholeness and transform society. The partnership marriage will be characterized by commitment, dialogue, the absence of negativity, and the increase of appreciation, empathy, and kindness. Monologue will be replaced by dialogue, symbiosis with differentiation, and conflict with connections. The current question is, 'How can this marriage meet my needs?' The new question will be, 'What does our relationship need?'

GO OUT ON A LIMB WITH NANCY!

noreply@blogger.com (Nancy Ross) — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 21:11:00 +0000

There are some questions I am often asked that you might want to think about. Most couples come to me in what I call the Power Struggle Stage. I am often asked before hand what tips I might have for them. First and foremost I strongly suggest that when you and your partner find yourself yelling, fuming, steaming or otherwise ready to pop, that you------

1) BREATHE!! The power of a ten second breath can not be overestimated. Inhale, exhale, pause, inhale----again. Truly. This slows down the reaction. What you are doing is being defensive and protective.

2) Your partner IS NOT your enemy. BREATHE and remember that! Under that anger is hurt, sadness, pain, disappointment, shame. Anger is protecting you and you need to create TOGETHER enough safety that you no longer feel a need for protection.

3) You are BOTH right! There is no bad guy here.

4) There is room for differences in every relationship. When you get stuck in "I am right and you are wrong"; stuck in "I am out of here if you believe THAT when I really do KNOW that it wasn't like that AT ALL!" When you get stuck in that, what is missing is information. If you will listen to each other. You will be able to realize that there is more going on here than meets the eye.

5) An interesting piece of very important information: the Power Struggle is GOOD NEWS!!! It means the relationship is doing exactly what it is supposed to be doing: bringing up feelings from long ago that need to be felt, seen, understood, and heard in order to heal.

6) When things get tough, remember to breathe, to share, and to stay connected. Remember the loving times and know you can be there again.

7) Come see me. I have an Imago Intensive, read about it on my web. It could really be helpful.