Blooming Relationships Goes Out on a Limb

In Defence of Naps

2009-10-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

I may talk way too much about health, when writing this blog. If so, I am certainly open for that feedback.

That being said, I am sort of into health these days. If you have read past blog entries, you are aware that I have had heart challenges of significance for over 2 years now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and have every reason to totally trust that I soon will be fully healed. I had number 5 cardio version yesterday and will have number 2 ablation, hopefully before the new year. This cardio version went very smoothly. The others, not so much! I feel good today. A teeny bit slow, but mostly ready to focus of what I love (my work) and stay in the trust and knowledge that my health is terrific and my body will not fail me.

I am one for trying to find the lesson or understand the learning from most any situation. What was/is the learning from 2 years of fear that my heart will explode and I will self distruct because it is beating waaaaay to fast? I think it has to do with the need to slow down. And that does not look for me, the way it looks for many other people. Many people do way more than I do. I am not a doer. I am a be-er.
However, my mind, criticism of myself, judgements and dumping on me go on forever.

Not a good thing!

I don't think this is a bit unique to me. I think mothers, as well as all people who are committed to growing and learning, tend to pile up a bunch of stuff inside and no matter how much talking to others may happen, the internal load grows and the soul shrivels. I say mothers because I remember when I was raising children there just didn't seem to be time or space to share my internal emotional load. I was very alone.

I think too much, too often, too hard. It doesn't suit me! I think, for me at least, the key is to stay in the moment. Because so much of that thinking is really about worrying and blaming ----me. Like somewhere someone taught me that the only acceptable was to function in this physical life time is to be perfect. Then I wasn't told what perfect really looks like nor was I taught how to be perfect. I had to make that up. And what I made up was simply you are not enough, Nancy. You don't know enough, work enough, you aren't smart enough, creative enough; there simply needs to be more and you aren't even smart enough to know what more would be.

A recipe for suicide.

Wow! Did I really say that???? There is truth in that sentence. I nearly died, at least 3 times. Each time I was given another chance to understand what I was doing to myself. I actually think I've got it. What I am doing to myself is trying to erace me, innilalate me, wipe me out, get rid of me and start over. But I am actually not ready to start over. When I have learned this next batch of "stuff" I will be so much more prepared to be off and running the next time 'round.

One of the ways for me to start my new regime is to take a rest (I haven't become brave enough yet to call it a nap) during the day just because I want to. To not have to be sick, or stressed, or overwhelmed or anything at all other than wanting to take time out. Which generally means reading and sometime means sleeping.

S0, off I am to taking time out. I will read. I will let you know if I stept. I will NOT blame myself for wanting this or feel shame because the rest of the world is working their little bums off and I am a slacker.

More later. Nancy

Summer Time! And the Feeling is Easy!!

2009-07-11T11:45:00.000-07:00

What a gorgeous day! What a marvellous summer so far. So interesting to me how 2 plus years of focus on my insides working or not working quite right, has left me with an exquisite awareness of the world outside my body. Now that I am so very well and healthy, I seem to be loving whatever mother nature has to offer.

This morning was a powerful thunder storm. Heavy rain. Feels like releasing, letting go, preparing to move forward. Then it cleared up and Aimee and I had a grand and glorious walk at our favorite park: a cemetery near by. Two memorial services were going on in the cemetery. I felt soft, sacred, sweet, caring and loving to walk past their energy. Peace mingled with sadness hung in the air. Aimee was so good. She just walked by and left them alone. Sometimes she feels it is her job to sooth and comfort and love the people who have gathered together to grieve and let go of their loved ones. Not today. I guess she felt everyone was doing their job just fine and she wasn't needed.

Remember how it feels to REALLY want something, to not want to be a bother or distruber, at the same time wanting to keep on top of things? That feeling of being sure you are still on the radar, but it probably is best not to bug too much!

Well, I feel all that right now. A few weeks ago I thought I was being offered the job of my dreams. I no longer know if they want me. I have tried to connect but it hasn't worked thus far. What I know I have to do is let go and trust. But instead I keep on hoping, wishing and thinking. I know the universe knows what it is doing. I know I am being taken care of and deeply loved. I learned that during my heart challenges. Now I need to remember to stay peacefully in the place of having put out my desire, and letting it come to me.

Yes! I desire. I wait. In hope and trust.

I will keep you posted. I will be sure to let you know when I have received my heart's desire.

Bye for now, Nancy

Out On A Limb, feel off for a bit and has Climbed Back On!

2009-07-02T08:09:00.000-07:00

Not surprising to any of us at all, lots of life has happened since my Nov. 08 entry!!!! (: Good stuff actually.

I have had 2 years of significant challenges with my heart. Emergency rooms, ambulances, friends rushing and helping, hospitalizations, angels hovering and holding, cardioversions (3), ablation (1), rest, recovery, and back to work. Actually, back to life. I am on the other side of the whirlwind and grateful, delighted, energized, and deeply, deeply grateful to my wonderful partner Clo, my daughters Lisa and Michelle, dear friends, and Aimee, the dearest 4 year old puppy on the planet.

All during the astounding stress and rush toward life and fight against leaving this physical space before I felt certain I really wanted to go, I planned to come out on this side with health, hope, love, joy, peace, ------ and learning. I expected to have great insights and deep, spiritual, amazing, learnings. Weeellll------ I am ready! Here I am. Arms open, heart soft and receptive, ears tuned, mind willing, but, I truly do not know what those 2 years were all about. I want to say it taught me a lot. I suppose it did. But I will be darned if I can tell you what that "lot" is.

I am aware of new energy, hope, and readiness to move into new professional territory. That's a fun thing. What can I welcome and create next that will be fun and new for me? I have put out my desire, and I wait quietly, peacefully and confidently to hear back. I will keep you posted. I am always glad to share new and exciting as it arrives and I begin to process it.

Not having written for so long, I find myself gropping around for what more to say. So, enough for now, more later. Thanks for being there for me to talk with. Even when I wasn't writting in the blog, I was writting in my head.

Warmly, Nancy Ross

,Time to Check-in and Update

2008-11-21T06:27:00.000-08:00

It has been a long time since I have sat at the computer and written freely. Yesterday a beautiful snow covered our favorite cemetery/park. Aimee (the cutest little puppy on the planet who is now a 3 yr. old dog) and I walked, played stick and ball, talked to each other, socialized with other's doing the same thing, and looked for the coyote. Others have seen her lately. We have not for a week or more.

I think it is time I talked more about aging. I would have to agree with whomever it was that said: aging is not for the faint of heart, or aging is not for wimps, or aging is for the valiant and courageous. I fully agree with all three! I think there is a moment in every one's life when they really GET it. I----me----I am not just getting older. But I am actually aging.

What makes us think (hope) that it really won't happen to us? Not the way it has happened to others we have seen, or loved, or heard about. I believe every one of us has a secret belief way way back behind our heart, that if we do after all have to get older, WE will be able to do it right. And by "right" I believe we mean, easily, smoothly, without trouble to others, with minimum pain and fuss. I also believe we expect to continue hurrying here and there, filling 12 to 14 hour days, keeping on top of all life brings to us.

Many of us pull that off. For a very wonderfully long time. Some of us feel ourselves beginning to slip here and here and chalk it up to a bad day/week/month/year. Too much stress and we have to just get through this stretch of time and all will be as it was.

My comeuppance has happened through my heart. Never would I have expected my heart to break. I have not had and hope to not have a heart attack or stroke. I have a heart that beats too fast all of the time and even at that does not beat a regular too fast. It is fast and irregular. Not terribly unusual. Many of us are on this particular journey.

Louise Hay says about heart: "Represents the center of love and security." Right. That makes sense to me. Especially the security part. When I get anxious, I believe my heart takes a huge hit.

Under Heart Problems, Louise Hay says," Longstanding emotional problems. Lack of joy. Hardening of the heart. Belief in strain and stress."

Now, doesn't that just give one a lot to think about!

Do I "believe" in stress and strain? Yes, I guess I do. Do I want to change that belief? Absolutely! Do I know how to change that belief? Well, now that is the question, isn't it? Do I know how?

Off course I do! Let me count the ways: hmmmmm--learn to laugh more; don't take myself so seriously; stop caring so much about what others think of me; play; remember the ways in which I am safe and let go of fears that I am in danger (of not being loved, financial disaster, health issues, world situation); continue to be an important player in my Gratitude Club.

Do you know about the Gratitude Club? Check the fall 2008 newsletter on my web for details. http://www.couplerelationshiptherapy.at/ Essentially, you send me a minimum of 5 things you are grateful for daily and I send you mine. Get every day off to a great, positive, impowering start.

So-----my first step, starting today, in letting go of stress and stain is to go to the food and wine festival. That should distract me a bit. My second step is to write today's gratitudes:

I am grateful for a full, restful, and dreamless sleep last night
I am grateful for a warm and comfortable bed where I rest, restore, dream often times, process, learn and heal
I am grateful for cello, piano, and flute music that I find healing and peaceful
I am grateful for my wonderful daughter and her family who have offered to visit if I am looking for love and support
I am grateful for the library where I can get as many books as I want, freely offered and of great variety

Off to start my day. I will write more about aging and hearts soon. Enough for this moment.

Write to me, phone me, eamail me, keep in touch. Your response, energy, suggestions, caring, are all appreciated.

Nancy

My Ethereal Self

2008-09-15T12:27:00.000-07:00

Ethereal: delicate and airy; heavenly, celestial

A friend and I were talking the other day about what happens next? You know, as in where to from here? "Here" being Here, as in Now; here in this now. Particularly in terms of the physical. What happens, really! (ha) in the non-physical?

I look at Me, which pretty much means my body. I know there is much more to Me than my body. I can get how I can take all of that with me when I walk through the door from here to there. But I just can't wrap my mind around not having a body. How do you do that?

Then my friend used the word "ethereal" and I sighed with relief. Ahhhhh, I get it. I get to be "ethereal". I particularly like the delicate and airy part. I can imagine that. I think I would even like it. Ethereal is soft and lovely and easy. Not hard. Not painful. I think I remember being that before. It is a relief and you can rest and breathe easily.

I am reading a mystery called Thunder Bay by William Kent Krueger. He tells us that the Ojebwe tell about the Path of Souls. Waiting at the end of the Path of Souls to welcome us Home is someone who loves us and took the Path before we did. Who would you like to be waiting at the end of the Path of Souls to greet and embrace you?

I am not my ethereal self yet, so that means I am still in the psychical and that means I have the mind and thinking process I have cultivated for 7 decades. I've often gotten a chuckle out of sayings like, "one brick short of a load," or "not the brightest bulb in the chandelier," "not the sharpest knife...." What best describes me is, " one sandwich short of a picnic." I love it! The picnic blanket (me) is lovingly laid out under the trees, in the grass, near the wild flowers. The blanket is lush with abundance and nourishment, colour and surprises. Oh, no! The missing sandwich! ( my critical thinking self ).

None the less, I do have opinions and feelings about the upcoming U.S. election, never mind whether or not I have all my sandwiches. I have run the gambit: from fear, to amazement, to humour, to frustration, to.... you just won't believe this...excitement. Check my web for what Deepak Chopra has to say. It is brilliant. The bigger picture. He gets how what is happening has to be happening and that it is a good thing. All that stuff I just said about sandwiches and me is about my critical take on what Chopra is saying. I don't pretend to be academic or have a critically scholastic or political mind, but what I think he was saying is that the Sarah Palin and Barack Obama shoot down had to come. Some day. It has been in the making for sometime now. And blessed be. I get to be here even as it is happening.

What I hear him saying is that the polarities had to face each other. The country has to decide: is it going ahead, or is it going back? It is their choice. If going ahead, it is truly exciting to be a part of that and to watch what will unfold around us. If going back, those of us who prefer forward movement have to stay steady and hold our own. We have to be patient and wait for them to catch up. My challenge is to remember that there is not a right and wrong here. It is not that I am right and they are wrong.

That isn't easy to hang on to. It isn't even really fair to say I need to wait for them to catch up with me. That somehow suggests I think they need to believe and act like I do. There is room for all of us on this planet. The Obama-Palin face off so makes me think of couples I work with. Sorry. It just is true. I have been letting my fingers do the talking as I write this, and that is exactly where my mind has gone. To couples.

Palin and Obama are a couple. There is not a right person and a wrong person. Just two people who believe differently, thus behave and respond differently. How do we learn to live with our difference? Through dialogue, I teach my couples. Surely that would work in the bigger world, even the world of politics, as well.

Well, I surprised myself about where "ethereal" took me today. If I surprised you as well, let me know. Love hearing from you. Blessings, Nancy

Anniversaries

2008-08-21T05:49:00.000-07:00

People often find themselves having particular feelings on the anniversary of something significant in their lives. I have always honoured that and recognized the importance of pausing in this busy life to remember the death of some one loved, a birthday, the time when an illness hit or was recovered from. A special delicious trip or treat or encounter------anniversaries can be of a myriad of things, both delightful and difficult.

I think our memory cells are miraculous and mysterious. I think we can be in the midst of an anniversary and have forgotten, and our physical self reminds us. We find ourselves surprised, awed, feeling very reverent. That's what happened to me.

A year ago today I faced death head on. They didn't want me. I saw a huge total black cement wall. No light, no colour, no sounds. Black silence. I begged for safety. I longed for arms to reach out to me through the veil. They didn't. I returned. And I returned to a beautiful, magical, challenging and exciting world and new life for me. Hence my dreams of working in Vienna, Kuwait, and possibly France. I won't turn back. I only go forward.

The mystery to me is what happened to me 2 days ago: Aug. 19. I spent the first few hours of the day in what I called " a psychic web." I spent time there as my mother prepared to leave us and then for some time after she left. There is an unseen and unknown power that takes me over. I can not pull out of it. I am exhausted and unable to function. I am not of this world, and have no idea what world I am of.

I went back to bed with my clothes on and with Aimee in my arms and gave into the ennui. I drifted. I dreamed. I don't think I slept. The only memory I returned with was the memory of multi-coloured star dust floating down all around me. I loved the colour. It felt like the bits of colour were tired to strings, like the tails of balloons or kites.

When I "woke" I felt I had shifted somewhat. Although I spent most of the day feeling far away and tender, I felt somewhat in control of myself. It was the first year anniversary of the death of the partner of a dear person in my life. I thought I was caught in my friend's pain and anguish. I wondered if I left this world to be with her just briefly. Then I wondered, "Which her? My friend or her partner?"

I don't fully understand what happened. But I am learning to appreciate, not feel embarrassed, and welcome those times of being "caught in a psychic web." I trust I have much I can learn while there. The more I honour what is happening and choose to not fight the pull but to lean into it and follow the power, the more I will understand. Out of the understanding I think will come the possibility of expanding my conscious awareness. I want a greater consciousness of where I am, where I am going, maybe even some clues as the what I will find when I get there.

This past year has been a year for me of learning to let go, learning to trust my process and surrendering to the universe because I am safe and I am loved. Blessed be, Nancy

Number Two Thought for the Week

2008-08-20T16:48:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should save this for later. But I won't be here next week, so I will do # 2 thought for this week: The difference between people who are successful and those who are not is that people who are successful have failed more.

Oh, boy. Do I like that. The more I fail, the closer I get to success. Alright! Feels like an important thought for my Vienna adventure. Over the years I have had a myriad of hopes/plans/ideas/dreams, stuff like that. Vienna is the latest, and the one I MOST want to succeed. So I am counting on having failed at: TV hopes, radio plans, Dear Nancy column, collaborative law ambitions, big time couples groups dreams, on and on; means it is about time I am successful at the most recent rocket of desire, which is a blooming private practice with the English speaking community in Vienna.

The first time I return to Vienna to see 3 to 4 couples, I am going to go to the top of my son's condo, a view of Vienna that passes all expectations, and launch 30 balloons with my new and very beautiful bookmarks tied to the strings. The balloons represent my rockets of desire. I will celebrate a new era in my life/practice, by letting the universe know I am doing what I want and loving every minute of it.

Sunday I am off to Houghton Lake to be with family. Three of my grown children and their families, 2 cousins, and my brother and sister-in-law. Fun! And no new thoughts for the week.
This is it until September. September is fall. Fall is beautiful. More about that in a couple of weeks. Warmly, Nancy

'Thought For The Week

2008-08-18T11:58:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try to do a thought for the week. I will write a quote then comment, if I so decide! Often times the quote will be from Abraham. Sometimes not. I will acknowledge whoever it is I am quoting.

Today's: "Life is supposed to be fun........You cannot struggle into joy. Struggle and joy are not on the same channel. You joy your way to joy. You laugh your way to success. It is through your joy that good things come." Abraham (as channeled by Esther Hicks)

I really was not taught that "Life is supposed to be fun." Sadly, I didn't teach that to my children, either. Laughing my way into success seems almost sacrilegious!

However, it sure might be more fun to laugh my way to success than to angst, fret, stew, loose sleep, and be annoying. Love and fear: the only 2 true feelings. Well, there you go! If I am not loving my life then I must be afraid of something. Well, rrriiiightttt. Fear it is. Fear that I got it all wrong, that I am not doing "it" right. Fear that there isn't enough to go around, that I won't be loved, that life "is but a dream."

Remember that song from childhood: "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream."

Even as a kid I wondered about that. What if this is all a dream? What happens when I wake up? Ultimately I think that is our greatest fear: what will happen when we wake up? Thus, we must take life seriously. Seriously work, relate, plan, love, play. Seriously set out to be as successful as possible. If we loose our grip and become too cocky or self assured, or have too much fun, we might miss something important. Then we could fall over the edge, slip out of the dream, and wake up in the real world where-----where what? That's just it, isn't it? Where what?

As long as we really don't know "what" then maybe we might as well have a good time in this dream and take our chances. I remember as a kid hearing the expression, "Laughing all the way to the bank." I think our phase today is, "Laughing all the way to success." Whatever success may mean to each of us.

Take care. I love hearing from you. Warmly, Nancy Ross

Dear Anonymous

2008-08-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

Man! Would I like to know who you are. Thank you for calling me distinctive and remarkable. I choose to take you seriously. If your a pulling my leg, it is working. I feel honoured.

As for Kuwait, I won't be able to go if I am not welcomed and wanted. I totally trust my intuition and know I will not be guided to go someplace where I will be in danger. My medical doctor col.league who has suggested we discuss trying to make this happen tells me there is a 60% divorce rate and most of those are initiated by the woman. Women of Kuwait no longer want to serve their men and want some equality and want to be heard and understand as does every one.

That is what will heal this poor trembling planet: to listen and understand each other. No need to agree. But understanding, compassion, empathy, that is what it takes for us to learn to life safely with each other. Fear and love. The only two true emotions. If I am not being treated lovingly, than my tormentor is afraid. I can help keep him or her safe by listening, empathizing, understanding and not being defensive.

Lots to say here I guess. Any way, Anonymous, thanks for writing, write more and tell me who you are. Warmly, Nancy

More of the Wonders of Life

2008-07-28T05:29:00.000-07:00

The past 12 months have been wondrous. It was a year ago, Aug. 21, 2007, that I had my first "event", as I have come to call the two hospitalizations I have had. This time last year was tough slugging. It was hot, humid, and very polluted. I was having trouble breathing and even moving much.

This morning I head for the cemetery with Aimee, the wonder dog, so she can play with the coyote and I can exercise, meditate and celebrate.

In-between, we have been to Austria twice and I have opened an office there. I am talking with a medical doctor about the possibility of doing something similar in Kuwait. Life, growth, joy, after near death. So much to celebrate.

I can use all the help I can get out there, to get my Vienna practice off and running. Anyone who is willing to help promote me, please feel free! Giving my Austrian web some hits will help: www.couplerelationshiptherapy.at

Sometime this week I am going to let go 30 balloons off the hill at the cemetery with my beautiful new book mark tied to the string. The book mark talks about Toronto office on one side and Vienna office on the other. Fun! My rockets of desire, exploding off the hill side where Aimee and I have had so very many mystical and magical moments.

Blessings to you all. Email me at clo.nancy@sympatico.ca any time. I would love to hear from you.

Warmly, Nancy

Trust the Universe

2008-07-15T07:56:00.000-07:00

You know what? I do! Trust the Universe that is. Except, however, when I don't.

I walk around in the "knowing", feeling easy, at peace, one with all that is. And I stub my toe.

Somewhere deep inside, I still have a negative belief that life can not be terrific and glorious ALL of the time. My very cells, the very essence of me forgets what it knew when I started out here.

I've talked before of my very first memory: I no longer know how old I was. Possibly new born, possibly just coming out of the warmth and safety of the womb, possible just a titch older. But not very old at all. And my thought was, "I didn't know I was going to do this again so soon."

I thought about that yesterday. I have a sense that as I age and having faced that black brick wall several months ago while in the emergency room, I am returning to fully feeling as well as believing, what I once knew and forgot. And essentially I think that illusive what I once knew and have forgotten is that ultimately we are all, me included, safe. That sense that we are being looked after just doesn't cut the mustard for me. Feels like somebody with a long white beard is looking down. I don't feel looked after. I feel safe. Like knowing that in the immence rightness of the universe, I too am right.

Hmmmm. No idea where this is going. email me if you have some ideas: clo.nancy@sympatico.ca

Warmly, Nancy

continued----empathy and intuition

2008-07-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

Someday I am going to get computers, technology, energy, relationship between me and the energy of the universe, figured out. I was typing along just fine and hit something or other that posted my blog entry and I had only just begun. Maybe the universe was warning me that I had said enough. However, my very own little inner, albeit quiet, angel is telling me it is just fine to continue. Good.

We are all (ALL!) born with the ability to be empathic. We are all born whole, fully alive, creative, little spontaneous creatures who absolutely have the ability to love. Empathy is more than love. It is not self identifying. It is heart and soul felt understanding of another's position. Agreeing is not important. Understanding is. It is connecting spiritually and wisely with the knowing that my friend in the Iranian prison is held captive by people (probably men) who are frightened and have turned their own fear into aggression.

Fear and love. The only two emotions. All comes from fear of love. Empathy is understanding that and getting, that if I lived the life you have life and see the world the way you currently see it, I might very well feel or do the very same thing I am faulting you for doing. Early on, in infancy, most of us loose our ability for empathy because our natural spiritual connection and our original trust that we are safe and loved, has been severed. Our fear of annihilation and our desire for survival is so strong that we cut off connection with other, and focus on survival of self.

This should have titled: Empathy. I don't want to talk about intuition right now. More later.

I have recently learned how difficult and annoying it is to respond to a blog entry. Please email me, it is so much simpler. clo.nancy@sympatico.ca I want to know if I am making any sense and if anybody is reading these entries. Warmly, for now, Nancy Ross

Empathy verses Intuition

2008-07-05T06:13:00.000-07:00

Recently while visiting friends I shared that I had been interviewed by a reporter from the Toronto Star on the subject of empathy deficit disorder. The reporter acknowledge that this is not officially a clinical diagnosis. I have a link on my web to an article written in O Magazine about this idea and the reporter told me that Barack Oboma first spoke of it in a speach he made in the mid-west. He said our world suffers from "emapthy deficit disorder."

I agree, absolutely. We have lost our gift of empathy with each other and with the world. If we had known how to empathize, 9/11 would never have happened. War would never happen. Violence would end. We would live in peace and joy and love/kindness.

We then began to share what we saw as the meaning of empathy and asked each other some questions: does everybody have the capacity to empathize? how do we lose the ability/gift if we once had it? how do we get it back? what purpose does it serve? More, but enough for now.

Close Encouter of a Lovely Kind

2008-06-18T08:26:00.000-07:00

I have shared in the past about my wonderful morning walks with Aimee, the most adorable puppy on the planet. We go to a 34 acre park near by and walk the hills. There is sacred and healing energy in that park. I can feel it and I can see it. One time a few years ago, while standing at the top of a hill in this park, looking down over the acres of lush green expanse, I saw the universe raduate with light. The colours were brilliant. I "saw" my life in a moment. I had a sweet feeling of peace. But most of all I felt compasion-- for me. I "heard", "You have done well." I hold that memory in my heart. It feels precious to me.

In this park live all manor of wild-life. Huge black crows who loudly and with urgency, share their caution of doom. Bunnies skittering into the bushes. Aimee chases squirrels into the trees, we pass areas that smell of skunk; little, lively foxes hurry by looking for a. Maj snack. Majestic hawks float overhead and call attention to the blue-berry sky. Last summer Aimee and I interrupted 3 deer as they quietly nibbled the grass then loped over the wooded hills to some place unknown to us, but safe for them, we hoped.

This morning Aimee and I saw the coyote who has been living there for several months. I suspect she has pups. Thus far none have shown themselves. Today Aimee decided to try friendship with Mama Coyote. She was close enough for me to see her soulful eyes and feel her quiet, shy presence. Initially, Aimee clearly hoped for a friend, but for some instinctual reason, this little bitty puppy began to growl at this lovely, soft brown, almost tamed mother animal. I scooped Aimee up and leased her. We walked away.

Something about these few short moments, opened my mind and heart to my friend in the Iranian prison. And to his captors.

I am sure my friend feels small, vulnerable and powerless. I don't know if he has tried to growl back. But my fears for him would be quite similar to my fears for Aimee: both are too little for the job and it would be unlikely either would survive an incounter.

What about his captors. If we could look deeply into their eyes, as mama coyote allowed me to do this morning with her, would we find any softness? Can they be tamed? Or have they been in the wild too long with no one to bring gentleness into their lives? I doubt I would be brave enough to growl, like Aimee did. She is fearless, sometimes. I am never fearless. So much learning and growing to do!

Someone very wise once told me that we all actually have only 2 emotions: love or fear. Profound.

If I can't love his captor, I fear them. If I fear them, or more to the point, if he fears them, his soul withers. He needs our love to help him survive. We are the holders and the containers of hope. Hope for the world to know more about love, and less about fear. More later. NAR

Changes! Changes!

2008-06-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

When my oldest son was 7 or 8 years old he was uncharacteristically irritable and cranky one day. I asked him what was wrong and he said to me, "Changes, changes. Too many changes, Mom. I can't stand it!" I asked him what changes he was referring to and he said, "You painted the front door red and bought me new pajamas!"

At the time I didn't take it nearly as seriously as I maybe should have done. I think he was referring to feeling that his life was slipping out of his hands and he felt powerless to do anything about it. All the grow-ups in his life were making decisions for him and not consulting him about any of them.

Ever feel that way? Of course you have. We all do. Some of us feel it more frequently than others do. With enough time on this plan of existence, we learn there are more ways to feel powerful than we realized for such a long time.

My friend's husband, who is also a friend of mine, has been in prison in Iran for 3 weeks. His Canadian and Iranian passports have been taken from him, as have his credit cards, his ticket home and his money. He has been able to call his sister in Iran 3 times and claims to be doing alright.

What can we/I do? At first I felt hopeless. However, my awareness of the power and creativity I have as well as the power of numbers has increased considerably and I truly think we can do a the job, do it well, and do it in peace and love.

We can pray, meditate, vision, dream, send energy, get more and more people involved in focusing positive energy and safety surrounding him, holding him, protecting him.

This is not being in-active, foolish, or unrealistic. It is absolutely pro-active and powerful. Collectives of loving, gentle, caring people world wide who spend a few moment, an evening, a half hour, simply thinking of him, loving him, healing and empowering him. We can light candles, read poetry, listen to music, hold hands and have a moment of silence to focus our hopeful energy on him. At the same time, we can send soft, caring, changing, healing messages to his captors. Many of them are only doing what they have been told to do and are just as scared as he is and as we are.

Our fear is not useful for my friend. Our hope and positive, loving thoughts for him and for his jailers and tormentors is what will free him. Please join those of us who vision my friend walking off the plane into the loving, waiting, healing arms of those who long for his return.

I will write more about this later. Enough for now. Comments please. Warmly, Nancy Ross

Out of the Fire into the Frying Pan

2008-06-06T13:14:00.000-07:00

Monday evening, June 3, we returned from 19 days in Austria. Much of the time was spent in Vienna, with wonderful side trips. One side trip was 3 days in Salzburg. As beautiful, historical, and welcoming as Vienna. I love Austria! The down side is I do not speak German and I am a languagephob. I often get tangled up in English. Having the courage to try another language seems totally out of my safety space.

It rained the first week in Austria, and the second week it was 35c and HUMID. Today in Toronto it is 29 and VERY HUMID. I wonder if I bring weather with me wherever I go?

In-spite of challenging weather, the trip was highly successful. I made terrific business contacts and feel very clear that there is a place in Vienna for an English speaking Imago relationship therapist.

I am so confident that this is true, that I have committed to return in Sept. and will begin seeing couples the week of Sept. 15. Promoting myself is the trick. How do I get the attention of English speaking couples in Vienna who want to strengthen, heal, and grow in relationship?

Anyone who has ideas, please pass them on to me. There is the space, I have the desire. I want those 2 emerging energies to connect. Then, 3 times a year, for probably about a month, I will go to Vienna to work and play, to learn and grow, to give and receive. YES!!

I''m Back!

2008-05-08T12:32:00.000-07:00

It was 2007 when last I wrote! Much has happened since then. With you as well, I am sure.

My health challenges are smoothing out beautifully. Being proactive is helpful. Soon, I start beginner's yoga. I walk Aimee daily, do affirmations, visualize, read, think, listen to music, listen the the music inside me and leave the words out.

Eckhart Tolle is my current fascination. In The Power of Now, he eventually appears to be quite like Imago, if you read far and long enough, and do some personal interpreting. To my dismay, it seems to me he doesn't go deep enough into our psyche, like ancestors, cellular memory, the affect childhood has on all of us. However, he helps me focus, settle, think, and relax.

Biggest news is Clo and I are going to Vienna for the second time in 8 months: May 16 through June 3, with a 3 day weekend in the middle to spend in Salzburg. This is a grand and glorious return to places we loved last time, and doing some new, but particularly an opportunity to meet new people.

One of our many exciting plans is the meet people from the gay and lesbian community. It is my understanding that there is a strong community and I have to suspect there might be interest/need for some guidance in communicating safely in an intimate relationship. I offer a 2 day, 9 am to 3 pm Imago Intensive for one couple at a time. If anyone is curious, check my web: www.couplerelationshiptherapy.com I would love to return, soon, to guide, facilitate, teach and encourage gay and lesbians in the journey toward intimacy and healing.

Hope to hear from anyone who is curious. Warmly, Nancy Ross

WINTER IS HERE!

2007-12-18T06:33:00.000-08:00

I love winter. I especially love it when somebody else does the major part of the snow shoveling. I like the soft, fluffy snow that I can sweep. I like the part of being housebound ( for a day or two) and making and eating soup, reading and having a good Scotch at 4 pm. Cosy, comforting, calming and healing.

Since my drama in the cardiac unit just about 4 months ago, healing has been a big focus for me. I look at couples and realize their wounds go very, very deep indeed. Imago teaches that we are wounded in childhood. What if it goes further back then that? What if we come into this world carrying the pain of forever in our very cells? How do we access that knowledge? What can we do to help ourselves and each other heal so going forward will be glorious?

One possibility I recently experienced is self hypnosis. I would call it a very deep and very long visualazation. A CD with the ocean sounds playing quietly in the background , Helen's very soothing voice guiding me, I was lying on a warm comfortable table with a blanket over me, Helen was drumming just a little, with one drum sound just above my head going oh, so very deep into my soul. She ended the experience suggesting I find a box and look to see what was inside. I felt some unseen essence hand me a blue, square box with a bow on it. Inside I found my own ancient piece of black lava that I lost many years ago and had totally forgotten about. It is a hand gripper, with 4 finger holds on one side.

I am left thinking, wondering, resting, healing, going gently with myself. Early in 2008 I plan to do another self hypnosis session with Helen Zador, a gentle, nurturing, generous, genius. I will keep you updated.

Warmly, Nancy Ross

Houghton Lake, Toronto, Vienna, Budapest, and back to Houghton Lake

2007-11-13T05:41:00.000-08:00

Last time I wrote I had brilliantly succeeded the challenge of getting my pluse rate up and my blood pressure down. All is well! I spent a restful and affirming and filling week at my daughter's cottage at Houghton Lake, where Aimee runs free and blissful and I absorb and breathe!

Since then I have been to Austria and Hungary and back to Toronto. And am preparing in my mind and heart for a return week at Houghton Lake, maybe in Feb. My do I feel like a traveler with polarities as my quest.

Peace, quiet, affirmation, desire to connect. Suddenly I find myself on Air Austria, headed to Vienna for an Imago International Conference, a week wine tour in Hungary, 2 nights in Budapest one day of which was at the Spa!

Old. Ancient. History. Debth. Awesome. Very moving to learn the history from as far back as the 8th centery of Hungary. We had a wonderful guide who taught us and interpreted for us and a driver who quietly and unobtrusivly got us everywhere very safely and with no stress.

Highlights: Viennes Ball where we dressed formally! Straus and Mozart concert, opera, Fidillo. Albertina and Belvedere art museums, ruins from the 8th and 9th centery, Roman ruin, ancient churches, St. Stephen's church, magnificent grounds and gardens, art I never imagined I would see, music I only dreamed of hearing.

I met a psychologist who is a hypnotherapist and hope to have further contact: Juan Jose Rios. I want him to teach me hypnotherapy and I want to work with him guiding couples into past life regression and future life progressions.

My message to the Universe: some one in Houghton Lake contact me for the purpose of working with couples once a month. Juan Jose Rios contact me for the purpose of teaching me hypnosis and I will teach him Imago. I will keep you updated!!! Warmly, Nancy

Houghton Lake, Michigan: a place to heal.

2007-10-08T11:25:00.000-07:00

My, I haven't written since Aug. So much has happened and what I mostly want you to know and celebrate with me is that I am alive and well and may even be able to tell a bit about it!

My heart started to run away with me. Not in the romantic sense! In the ticking inside me very rapidly and jumping around none stop sense. My experience in the hospital included a week on the cardiac unit, to say nothing of so many angels along the way who literally held my life in their hands, loved me and guided me. I tried to leave this physical world. But the in-between world would not let me in. Literally. All I got was a huge, stolid, black cement wall. Call as I did for help from the non physical, over and over again, angels on this side held on to me and warmed my heart back into now.

I love it here! I am ready to stay. I have work to do. One of the jobs is to write. I am a teacher, a healer, and a writer. I am so blessed. My daily mantra is, "I love my life. And I am filled with joy!"

My partner and I went to my daughter and son-in-law's cottage on Houghton Lake in Michigan for several days to begin healing from our hospital experience. Without a question of a doubt, my partner is the primary angel in my entire story. She literally saved my life by getting me to the emergency room----- just in time.

Houghton Lake. A sanctuary, quiet, a relief, a place where my heart lives and my mind heals. Lazy little town with nothing of great note except the largest inland lake in Michigan and energy that holds my heart. We will spend more time there. I could work there. I would like that.

Anyone in Houghton Lake want an Imago Relationship Therapist? Check my web: www.couplerelationshiptherapy.com I could come one week a month if I had a lovely office and couples who want me. You help to heal my heart. I will help you to heal your relationship.

Doesn't feel like there is much more that wants to be said right now. I may be a writer, and I also am in process. I write when I write. In love and life! Nancy

CAUGHT IN A WEB

2007-08-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

Recently a client used the phrase. "Caught in a web." It meant something different to the client than it does to me and that is of course, just fine! I've used it in previous blog writings. I find myself wanting to understand more about what I mean when I say, "I am feeling 'caught in a web again'." Today I do not feel caught. So I am going to try to put words to my expereince for when that happens to me. Words from conscious distance.

CAUGHT IN A WEB. A PSYCHIC WEB. Or maybe it is better to say, a web of unconsciousness. I feel connected to a greater reality and a deeper knowing than usual. I don't feel fully of this world. I do feel more of All -That- Is. And I feel a wanting to know more.

Do any of you watch the Fri. evening 9 pm TV program MEDIUM? Allison sees more than I do. She dreams clearer than I do. She learns from what she sees and dreams. She trusts her connection with the unconscious. I don't know how she ever gets any rest. She is doing so much work in her dreams. But she seems pretty generally at peace with it. And she makes a living dreaming and knowing about more than "meets the eye," as my mother would say.

Maybe we all do! Make our living informed by our dreams and informed by our unconscious knowing. She takes time to "integrate." Remember how she sometimes naps on the couch and tells her ever patient partner that she needs "integration" time? I do that too. I hope you remember to do that sometimes as well. Maybe you integrate the world around you and what you know and are unconsciously learning by gardening, or cutting up vegetables, or playing the piano like my mother-in-law used to do. I do mine by walking my puppy or resting on my futon.

Back to my Psychic/Unconscious Web. Sometimes it takes me days or weeks to know what is going on. Mostly I need confirmation from outside myself to understand and put words to my feelings. Allison, in the TV program MEDIUM gets her answers from inside herself. Her own wise, intuitive, and creative knowing. That is my next learning. Outside in. Inside out. Back and forth. That is how we grow and learn. Currently I get an inside feeling and need outside confirmation to understand. Next I will get an inside feeling, and trust my inside knowing and decide what I want to do with the knowing in the outside world. If anything. Maybe I just leave the knowing in the knowing and go on with my life.

Feels exciting. I want to feel that Web again. See if I am learning something different to do about me when it happens. Someday I might not have to wait for it to "happen" to me. But will be able to call it forth at will. I'll keep you in the loop, so to speak! (:

FINAL SESSION RE: OH, MY, THE PAIN!

2007-08-11T06:20:00.000-07:00

I promised to update you re: the progress of this couple I have mentioned with the twins, baby, intimacy, and trust issues. Everytime I sit down to write more, I hesitate. Although it is true that I no longer see this couple, they have moved out of the country, and they gave me permission to share their story, I still feel there are couples who might too closely see themselves and get hurt. So------I have decided to leave this story for a few more years.

Suffice it to say as far as I know, they are still together, still seeing an Imago therapist nearer where they live and they did an astonding, risking, brilliant, and valiant job of stuggling for a couple of years with me. They both shared their story, the pain of their relationship, the hurts, betrayals, and neglects they both felt throughout their time together, over and over and over, in my office. No matter how difficult it was a the moment, both took session after session, to quietly hear and honour, and attempt to understand the other's experience and pain.

That is what is takes: someone to hold the relationship, keep you both safe and contained, while you each open your heart to receive and to give. To receive your partner's experience, no matter how much it does not agree with your experience or your memory of what happened. To open heartedly listen so many times, to so much, that slowly you begin to understand, not agree with, but understand what happened from your partner's point of view. And then receive the same gift from your partner as you open heartedly share and are eventually understood.

Write to me if you want to do so. We can talk further if you think that would be helpful.

Warmly, Nancy Ross

MORE: IMPORTANT LESSONS LEARNED FROM AIMEE,CONTINUED

2007-08-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

See 1) and 2) written previously.

3) What to do when afraid:

Run! Don't walk! To the nearest safe body. Jump right into their arms. Press tight against their chest and wiggle around until they are holding you firmly. Put your head on their shoulder, look into their eyes with trust and love, grunt and moan a little until they begin to softly mummer soothing love words. Make a few last wiggles of adjustment so you are certain you have it exactly right. Take a very deep in-breath and let it out for a long time. Moan with pleasure. Close your eyes, and feel your body go limp! Works every time.

4) How to let the important people in your life know you are ready to leave the house:

Sit very quietly and patiently by the front door. First look longing out the window of the door with your back to the rest of the household like you really couldn't care less what they are doing and you are doing very well for yourself, thank you very much! Then turn around facing the household with back to door, give a deep sigh, a tiny little mummer yip and begin to wag your tail expectantly. Stay that way for as long as it takes, making little mummer yips with increasing frequency. After about 10 minutes max. bark. Empathically. This creates the suggestion that more than just a walk about is required!

When all else fails, go to the door where your outside "clothes" are kept and repeat above. If you still aren't successful (remember, patience is a virture here), go to the back door and repeat above. If that doesn't work, squat on the carpet in front of someone significant.

Successful, without a doubt!

Mostly what Aimee teaches me is to be patience, to always look at the world about me with loving eyes, to forgive easily, and to bark, then pee when all else fails.

Enough for now. NAR

OH, MY, THE PAIN!

2007-07-20T08:14:00.000-07:00

He comes from a culture and a family that has taught him and modeled for him male distance and male importance. Men's time matters. Work, play, friends, attention, needs, plans, hopes, he has every reason to believe he can have it all, have it all often, and have a family of his own as well.

She comes from a culture and family that taught her she isn't very special or important, she can expect small bits and pieces from friends and family, and everything she works for and wants can be taken away in a moment's time.

He has an important job that makes good money. He does extra work to assure he and his family can have special things. She chooses to be at home with the twins and the baby. Both are tired, lonely, shut down emotionally and afraid. They have been married for ten years and are relatively new to this country.

He felt exhausted, unseen, unappreciated, and in need of attention. She felt exhausted, unseen, unappreciated, and in need of attention. He made an emotionally intimate but not sexual connection with an old girl friend from high school. She made a sexually intimate connection with a new male friend from the neighbourhood.

Both are furious with the other. Both see themselves as justified, and find themselves unable to forgive, forget, let go, or move on. The only way out either see is divorce. With 3 children, two boys who are 4 years old and an eighteen month old girl, they have at least 20 years ahead of them to co-parent. She says, "If you weren't there for us when we were married, how can I ever expect you will be when we aren't?" He says, "If you don't appreciate how hard I work, how important you are to me, how much I do for you, how can I ever trust you will include me in parenting when we are divorced?"

I would like your comments on this couple. I will share more of our progress together over time. We have been working together for a year, several months in-between sessions as they live several hundred miles away. They currently do not live together. I will share what we have done, what we hope to do, and our successes and failures. They have, by the way, given me permission to share their story. None of us knows if it has a happy ending. I expect only the children will really be able to tell us, 30 years or more from now.

Comments please. Warmly, Nancy Ross

I WILL LEAD THE PARADE, LAUGHING!

2007-07-09T18:24:00.000-07:00

When I pass over from the physical to the non-physical, I know I will be met by legions of well wishers, loved ones, ancestors, teachers, guides, angels, the whole slew. And I will lead the parade laughing! I will laugh out loud at myself. On and on----I don't understand time, but time won't matter. The heavens will echo my laughter and we will all know the joke and take great pleasure in sharing it together: I didn't need to make this life so difficult. Never did I need to angst, anguish, fret, and stew to this extent. I exhaust myself with worry. They aren't laughing at me. But we certainly will all laugh together. What an enormous joke I have played on myself!

I will laugh with pleasure, joy, and pure bliss when I release this physical body and return to the non-physical. And I know I will also pause for a few moments of sorrow. I will grieve that I forgot what I knew when I first came here. I spent endless hours being afraid, needlessly. I always knew there is nothing to be afraid of. Why did I let myself forget? Better yet, why do I constantly continue to let myself forget? This isn't a once in a life-time forgetting occurrence here. I have perpetual mind slippage.

I fear poverty. I look around me and see beauty and abundance. I hear music, laughter and loving voices. I see my puppy: pure innocence. This sweet little one who never for a moment doubts she is loved and safe. Man! If my puppy knows she is safe, what makes me loose trust that I am safe? Can't I be as loved, as precious, as vulnerable, desirable, and valuable as a precious puppy? If I can love Aimee unconditionally, and know she loves me unconditionally, why do I find it so difficult to believe a source greater than I am could love me, keep me safe, protect me, give me all I want, wish for, need, and deserve?

I started to say because I am dumb. But I don't even have that as an excuse. I'm not dumb. But I am human. This human condition! I chose what I wanted to focus on. I can shed the physical when I am well learned and ready for the non-physical again.

I find that exciting and empowering. I get to do what I want to do. I even get to angst, anguish, and stew if I want to do that. Last night at my Abraham group I really saw the metaphor of paddling up stream. I have emotionally and physically worn myself out by paddling up stream. I am not even going to turn the canoe around. I am just going to stop paddling. Maybe I'll drop the oars. I could watch them float ahead of me, down the stream of life. All the rest will be done for me.

I DO NOT HAVE TO WORK SO HARD! I DO NOT HAVE A DEBT I OWE! There is NOTHING that I do not deserve to have if I want to have it. Nothing. Aimee deserves the very best life possible. Never has she done a thing to not deserve. She is total love, total innocence. If she is, surely I can be as well.