GO OUT ON A LIMB WITH NANCY!
Q: How do I tell my 10 year old twin sons that I no longer love their daddy and am in love with someone else?
Nancy: Gently, carefully, lovingly, and probably several times. Let them ask questions. And give them honest answers. Your biggest task is to be certain they understand that you may have left daddy, but you are not leaving them. They need to know, by your actions even more than your words, that they come first, even, or especially, with a new man in your life.
SO! That means, if the boys need something from you, and it conflicts with something the new man in your life wants, you chose attending to the boys first and him second. If this is a relatively new relationship, you may find that difficult to do. And he may resent that you do it. But the two of you must talk about this, because it absolutely will happen at some point, and you must both be committed to your sons' well being and their sense of safety in this world.
Ten years ago you and their father signed up for a lifetime committment to two new born babies. Keeping them emotionally, physically, verbally, and spiritually safe is your biggest job in life. Tell the boys that mommy and daddy are going to create a new life without each other but with both of them. Give them information: when they will see each of you, where their bedroom will be, what school they will be going to-----and that mommy loves someone else who also loves them and wants them to be happy.
Your actions and the actions of the man you are now in love with will do the work for you. Your words can be few. When they see and feel you with them and that you haven't changed how you feel about them, they will feel safer and more open to someone else coming into their world.
Lots of luck. And keep me posted. I am happy to talk about this further.
Warmly, Nancy
Nancy: Gently, carefully, lovingly, and probably several times. Let them ask questions. And give them honest answers. Your biggest task is to be certain they understand that you may have left daddy, but you are not leaving them. They need to know, by your actions even more than your words, that they come first, even, or especially, with a new man in your life.
SO! That means, if the boys need something from you, and it conflicts with something the new man in your life wants, you chose attending to the boys first and him second. If this is a relatively new relationship, you may find that difficult to do. And he may resent that you do it. But the two of you must talk about this, because it absolutely will happen at some point, and you must both be committed to your sons' well being and their sense of safety in this world.
Ten years ago you and their father signed up for a lifetime committment to two new born babies. Keeping them emotionally, physically, verbally, and spiritually safe is your biggest job in life. Tell the boys that mommy and daddy are going to create a new life without each other but with both of them. Give them information: when they will see each of you, where their bedroom will be, what school they will be going to-----and that mommy loves someone else who also loves them and wants them to be happy.
Your actions and the actions of the man you are now in love with will do the work for you. Your words can be few. When they see and feel you with them and that you haven't changed how you feel about them, they will feel safer and more open to someone else coming into their world.
Lots of luck. And keep me posted. I am happy to talk about this further.
Warmly, Nancy
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