Anniversaries

People often find themselves having particular feelings on the anniversary of something significant in their lives. I have always honoured that and recognized the importance of pausing in this busy life to remember the death of some one loved, a birthday, the time when an illness hit or was recovered from. A special delicious trip or treat or encounter------anniversaries can be of a myriad of things, both delightful and difficult.

I think our memory cells are miraculous and mysterious. I think we can be in the midst of an anniversary and have forgotten, and our physical self reminds us. We find ourselves surprised, awed, feeling very reverent. That's what happened to me.

A year ago today I faced death head on. They didn't want me. I saw a huge total black cement wall. No light, no colour, no sounds. Black silence. I begged for safety. I longed for arms to reach out to me through the veil. They didn't. I returned. And I returned to a beautiful, magical, challenging and exciting world and new life for me. Hence my dreams of working in Vienna, Kuwait, and possibly France. I won't turn back. I only go forward.

The mystery to me is what happened to me 2 days ago: Aug. 19. I spent the first few hours of the day in what I called " a psychic web." I spent time there as my mother prepared to leave us and then for some time after she left. There is an unseen and unknown power that takes me over. I can not pull out of it. I am exhausted and unable to function. I am not of this world, and have no idea what world I am of.

I went back to bed with my clothes on and with Aimee in my arms and gave into the ennui. I drifted. I dreamed. I don't think I slept. The only memory I returned with was the memory of multi-coloured star dust floating down all around me. I loved the colour. It felt like the bits of colour were tired to strings, like the tails of balloons or kites.

When I "woke" I felt I had shifted somewhat. Although I spent most of the day feeling far away and tender, I felt somewhat in control of myself. It was the first year anniversary of the death of the partner of a dear person in my life. I thought I was caught in my friend's pain and anguish. I wondered if I left this world to be with her just briefly. Then I wondered, "Which her? My friend or her partner?"

I don't fully understand what happened. But I am learning to appreciate, not feel embarrassed, and welcome those times of being "caught in a psychic web." I trust I have much I can learn while there. The more I honour what is happening and choose to not fight the pull but to lean into it and follow the power, the more I will understand. Out of the understanding I think will come the possibility of expanding my conscious awareness. I want a greater consciousness of where I am, where I am going, maybe even some clues as the what I will find when I get there.

This past year has been a year for me of learning to let go, learning to trust my process and surrendering to the universe because I am safe and I am loved. Blessed be, Nancy

Number Two Thought for the Week

Maybe I should save this for later. But I won't be here next week, so I will do # 2 thought for this week: The difference between people who are successful and those who are not is that people who are successful have failed more.

Oh, boy. Do I like that. The more I fail, the closer I get to success. Alright! Feels like an important thought for my Vienna adventure. Over the years I have had a myriad of hopes/plans/ideas/dreams, stuff like that. Vienna is the latest, and the one I MOST want to succeed. So I am counting on having failed at: TV hopes, radio plans, Dear Nancy column, collaborative law ambitions, big time couples groups dreams, on and on; means it is about time I am successful at the most recent rocket of desire, which is a blooming private practice with the English speaking community in Vienna.

The first time I return to Vienna to see 3 to 4 couples, I am going to go to the top of my son's condo, a view of Vienna that passes all expectations, and launch 30 balloons with my new and very beautiful bookmarks tied to the strings. The balloons represent my rockets of desire. I will celebrate a new era in my life/practice, by letting the universe know I am doing what I want and loving every minute of it.

Sunday I am off to Houghton Lake to be with family. Three of my grown children and their families, 2 cousins, and my brother and sister-in-law. Fun! And no new thoughts for the week.
This is it until September. September is fall. Fall is beautiful. More about that in a couple of weeks. Warmly, Nancy

'Thought For The Week

I'm going to try to do a thought for the week. I will write a quote then comment, if I so decide! Often times the quote will be from Abraham. Sometimes not. I will acknowledge whoever it is I am quoting.

Today's: "Life is supposed to be fun........You cannot struggle into joy. Struggle and joy are not on the same channel. You joy your way to joy. You laugh your way to success. It is through your joy that good things come." Abraham (as channeled by Esther Hicks)

I really was not taught that "Life is supposed to be fun." Sadly, I didn't teach that to my children, either. Laughing my way into success seems almost sacrilegious!

However, it sure might be more fun to laugh my way to success than to angst, fret, stew, loose sleep, and be annoying. Love and fear: the only 2 true feelings. Well, there you go! If I am not loving my life then I must be afraid of something. Well, rrriiiightttt. Fear it is. Fear that I got it all wrong, that I am not doing "it" right. Fear that there isn't enough to go around, that I won't be loved, that life "is but a dream."

Remember that song from childhood: "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream."

Even as a kid I wondered about that. What if this is all a dream? What happens when I wake up? Ultimately I think that is our greatest fear: what will happen when we wake up? Thus, we must take life seriously. Seriously work, relate, plan, love, play. Seriously set out to be as successful as possible. If we loose our grip and become too cocky or self assured, or have too much fun, we might miss something important. Then we could fall over the edge, slip out of the dream, and wake up in the real world where-----where what? That's just it, isn't it? Where what?

As long as we really don't know "what" then maybe we might as well have a good time in this dream and take our chances. I remember as a kid hearing the expression, "Laughing all the way to the bank." I think our phase today is, "Laughing all the way to success." Whatever success may mean to each of us.

Take care. I love hearing from you. Warmly, Nancy Ross

Dear Anonymous

Man! Would I like to know who you are. Thank you for calling me distinctive and remarkable. I choose to take you seriously. If your a pulling my leg, it is working. I feel honoured.

As for Kuwait, I won't be able to go if I am not welcomed and wanted. I totally trust my intuition and know I will not be guided to go someplace where I will be in danger. My medical doctor col.league who has suggested we discuss trying to make this happen tells me there is a 60% divorce rate and most of those are initiated by the woman. Women of Kuwait no longer want to serve their men and want some equality and want to be heard and understand as does every one.

That is what will heal this poor trembling planet: to listen and understand each other. No need to agree. But understanding, compassion, empathy, that is what it takes for us to learn to life safely with each other. Fear and love. The only two true emotions. If I am not being treated lovingly, than my tormentor is afraid. I can help keep him or her safe by listening, empathizing, understanding and not being defensive.

Lots to say here I guess. Any way, Anonymous, thanks for writing, write more and tell me who you are. Warmly, Nancy

More of the Wonders of Life

The past 12 months have been wondrous. It was a year ago, Aug. 21, 2007, that I had my first "event", as I have come to call the two hospitalizations I have had. This time last year was tough slugging. It was hot, humid, and very polluted. I was having trouble breathing and even moving much.

This morning I head for the cemetery with Aimee, the wonder dog, so she can play with the coyote and I can exercise, meditate and celebrate.

In-between, we have been to Austria twice and I have opened an office there. I am talking with a medical doctor about the possibility of doing something similar in Kuwait. Life, growth, joy, after near death. So much to celebrate.

I can use all the help I can get out there, to get my Vienna practice off and running. Anyone who is willing to help promote me, please feel free! Giving my Austrian web some hits will help: www.couplerelationshiptherapy.at

Sometime this week I am going to let go 30 balloons off the hill at the cemetery with my beautiful new book mark tied to the string. The book mark talks about Toronto office on one side and Vienna office on the other. Fun! My rockets of desire, exploding off the hill side where Aimee and I have had so very many mystical and magical moments.

Blessings to you all. Email me at clo.nancy@sympatico.ca any time. I would love to hear from you.

Warmly, Nancy

Trust the Universe

You know what? I do! Trust the Universe that is. Except, however, when I don't.

I walk around in the "knowing", feeling easy, at peace, one with all that is. And I stub my toe.

Somewhere deep inside, I still have a negative belief that life can not be terrific and glorious ALL of the time. My very cells, the very essence of me forgets what it knew when I started out here.

I've talked before of my very first memory: I no longer know how old I was. Possibly new born, possibly just coming out of the warmth and safety of the womb, possible just a titch older. But not very old at all. And my thought was, "I didn't know I was going to do this again so soon."

I thought about that yesterday. I have a sense that as I age and having faced that black brick wall several months ago while in the emergency room, I am returning to fully feeling as well as believing, what I once knew and forgot. And essentially I think that illusive what I once knew and have forgotten is that ultimately we are all, me included, safe. That sense that we are being looked after just doesn't cut the mustard for me. Feels like somebody with a long white beard is looking down. I don't feel looked after. I feel safe. Like knowing that in the immence rightness of the universe, I too am right.

Hmmmm. No idea where this is going. email me if you have some ideas: clo.nancy@sympatico.ca

Warmly, Nancy

continued----empathy and intuition

Someday I am going to get computers, technology, energy, relationship between me and the energy of the universe, figured out. I was typing along just fine and hit something or other that posted my blog entry and I had only just begun. Maybe the universe was warning me that I had said enough. However, my very own little inner, albeit quiet, angel is telling me it is just fine to continue. Good.

We are all (ALL!) born with the ability to be empathic. We are all born whole, fully alive, creative, little spontaneous creatures who absolutely have the ability to love. Empathy is more than love. It is not self identifying. It is heart and soul felt understanding of another's position. Agreeing is not important. Understanding is. It is connecting spiritually and wisely with the knowing that my friend in the Iranian prison is held captive by people (probably men) who are frightened and have turned their own fear into aggression.

Fear and love. The only two emotions. All comes from fear of love. Empathy is understanding that and getting, that if I lived the life you have life and see the world the way you currently see it, I might very well feel or do the very same thing I am faulting you for doing. Early on, in infancy, most of us loose our ability for empathy because our natural spiritual connection and our original trust that we are safe and loved, has been severed. Our fear of annihilation and our desire for survival is so strong that we cut off connection with other, and focus on survival of self.

This should have titled: Empathy. I don't want to talk about intuition right now. More later.

I have recently learned how difficult and annoying it is to respond to a blog entry. Please email me, it is so much simpler. clo.nancy@sympatico.ca I want to know if I am making any sense and if anybody is reading these entries. Warmly, for now, Nancy Ross