“I am a coward,” starts the book “Code Name Verity,” by Kirsten Hannah.
And she absolutely was not a coward.
I refuse to judge myself as a coward. I have faced, for me, tough times and come out almost unscathed, certainly stronger and hopefully wiser, maybe even braver……
My message for today is to encourage you to accept exactly who you are in this moment: learn, relax, appreciate precious you and focus on holding steady. Each day brings it’s own unique challenge and we have come this far in our life time. Hallelujah!!
I’m not going to go into detail about what the last 9 months have been like emotionally and physically as I learn to adjust to and embrace living in the US, retirement, facing my crumbling health challenges; aging; asking myself who am I now that I am no longer engaged in the world as a professional; looking for a new social life; creating my living space so as to find comfort, pride and pleasure. My heart seems to have stopped stuttering, my balance is improving each day, my sleep issues have diminished, my home is extraordinarily lovely and peaceful, my family loves me and I am making new friends; soon both eyes will be free of cataracts and I will be able to see in technicolor. Oh joy! Oh peace! Oh hope! Oh blessings for sure.
My daughter Lisa and daughter-in-law Connie have been masterful in their patience. I think if there is just one learning out of all of this that I want to be certain sure I have passed on to you, it is to have patience with yourself. Sleep even if you need or simply want 20 hours a day, sit and stare if that is the most you can manage, listen to music, light a scented (or not) candle, eat ice cream or chicken soup, hug your precious puppy or kitty, ask for rides and company to doctor’s appointments, accept food gifts…..It all eventually adds up to feeling waaaaaay better. Trust me! I know what I am talking about.
I apologize for not writing for more than 3 months and I deeply appreciate those of you who have checked in with me to see if all is well. Equally I appreciate never once being urged to write when writing was definitely not what I was able to do. I urge you to do that for yourself: write, dance, garden, love a pet, colour in a book, bake, sleep, dream, eat ice cream only when you are ready. And don’t let anyone talk you into anything when it still is not your time.
Taking time out from the world to practice transcending emotional and physical pain is brilliant. Embrace time out, focus on self, shut off the darkness. Have a cold drink of water or lemonade on a hot summer day and take an hour to simply taste what fills your mouth and slides through your whole insides . Settles your soul.
Call it a good day when you write a few paragraphs, walk your dog, pee your daughter’s dog, ride your stationary bike, and prepare to take your grandson and granddaughter in law out to dinner.
- I am grateful to be me.
- I am grateful for my lovely home.
- I am grateful for friends, US and Canadian, and family who have patiently waited.
- I am grateful for time.
- I am grateful for ice cream, almond M & M’s, chicken soup, lunches at my house when I could’t go out….
- Love and best wishes always, Nancy