I have a luxury not many people have unless like me, they have taken a hiatus from daily work: the luxury of time just for me.
I spend a fair bit of my time being silent. I am silent as I sit at my desk and look out my window at a lake far away, at a road that is fairly busy, at dead trees and trees waiting for spring so they can bloom. I am silent as I sit in my chair and drift, or read, or sooth myself and Aimee. I can surround myself with quiet and introspection. Peace and hope. Dreams, memories, and the faith of renewing life.
I walk on a path just outside my back yard and think. I am processing and integrating: life, meaning, hope, faith, energy, health, change, loss. I hold onto gain and new and joy and delight in the back of my mind. But I am still learning what is feels like to move out of one world and discover another.
I have learned, after 8 decades of being presented with lessons about life, to trust the process. Life unfolds before us, however she wants to, and often times it feels like what presents itself next has nothing to do with self and everything to do with a vengeful god.
Not true!! Every marvelous magnificent magical moment is an opportunity. Every tragic, painful, despairing moment presents itself with the option to learn even more. A very big lesson I am learning via my move from Canada to US is that I need to forgive myself for being dependent, on family especially, but friends as well. I am experiencing the meaning of compassion for myself.
Take a moment and suss out what is going on in your life today. Notwithstanding the chaos and pain in the world, your immediate struggle deserves to be granted priority status. You have lived a valiant life. You have persevered. Through thick and thin, one after the other, you have faced the next cliff you fear you will stub your toe and stumble over. You are a hero. Never sell yourself short. You must be your own hero. Never let go of the memory of what you have accomplished. And embrace compassion for the pain, the humility, the forgotten wisdom you lost and are seeking to recover.
We are born knowing all that is. Somewhere along the often times lonely road of childhood, we lose what we know. Adulthood is about recapturing that wisdom. And growing beyond what we came here knowing. That not only takes courage, it takes determination, it is risky, and we seldom realize in the moment what the lesson really is. Retrospect has a lot to offer.
I think many times we do not give ourselves, and maybe each other, enough credit for what we have done and instead judge or criticize self or others. Think in terms of ways in which you can be your own hero. Be proud of you. Humbly admire decisions and choices you have made, actions you have taken, what you believe in and stand for. Acknowledge your growth, your wisdom and behaviors that you admire in others and fail to see in self.
It is time to celebrate precious you.
- I am grateful for the time I have for retrospection and integration.
- I am grateful for my renewed desire to write
- I am grateful for music I will be attending this evening
- I am grateful for food my family shares with me
- I am grateful for the life I have lived.
- I am grateful for my adult children, each in their own unique and individual way.
Hugs and love always, Nancy