Looking For My Place To Land

From time to time exhaustion just moves right in and settles down into the cracks and crevices of the soul.  When that happens the body crumbles. Oft times that is called being sick: flu, cold, intestinal rumblings, headache, pain, sometimes more severe …..cancer, heart problems…and more.

Mine isn’t severe and the solution has been sleep. Not deep dreaming sleep, but little dozes all day long. Up for water or soup, bathroom, take Aimee out, check email or texts, but mostly down. Still. Drifting. Not even thinking much. Just quiet. With Aimee pressed against my leg or sleeping on my tummy.

I’ve had enough: enough change, enough uncertainty, enough decision making, enough hanging in limbo waiting for it to happen. Each day matters. Each day has it’s own satisfactions. Some days are filled with sun and pleasure. All days are coloured beautifully with love. And still…..and still……

I feel like a space traveler. Earth, universe, cosmos. And me floating around in it all looking for, waiting for, a place to rest. A place that is mine.  Some times it simply is true that the most I accomplished is getting my address changed on my drivers licence and writing to my insurance company to cancel Canadian car insurance. Big jobs, both. Well done.

I think recognizing our own limits, physical and emotional, can be a challenge. A lot of pride is taken in pushing beyond, doing more, hanging in there, accomplishing. Equally, I believe, we deserve to be pleased with ourselves when we can recognize that it is simply time to stop. Actually doing nothing can be doing everything that needs to be done for now. Nothing can be a big thing. Nothing can give you time to fill your soul and renew your connection with your heart. Nothing can be all there is that matters. Because you matter and Self matters.

In the rush and competition of today’s world there is very little time or room for simply experiencing the bliss of quiet and calm. But we will get sick eventually if we don’t listen to the needs of the soul. As an introvert I know about that dire need well and I know we introverts can help extroverts learn the beauty and peace of quiet time. Brain and spirit overload will get you into trouble. Pushing past your limits will stop working at some point.

I urge you to be pro-active. Listen to the tiny nudges you get from your body, or the whisper of caution you might pick up intuitively, and give yourself a break before you get sick or have an accident or something gets broken or lost. It is not wasting time to rest. It is preparing you to be able to make the best possible use of your time.

I’ve had two blessed peaceful days of almost nothing and may be headed toward a third. I am grateful.

Gratitudes:

  • I am grateful for the big pot of soup I made a few days ago that has sustained me through my days of nothing
  • I am grateful I cancelled my down town appointment yesterday and embraced my time of nothing.
  • I am grateful Aimee has not expected anything more from me than I have been able to give
  • I am grateful for sun and blue skies today
  • I am grateful for all the care and help I have been given
  • I am grateful for my warm safe loving place to live until my home is ready for me.

Hugs and love, Nancy

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