I wonder if we are scared as we prepare to slip, slide, struggle, explode, emerge, blast, squeak, break-through, come out of the birth canal and awaken to find ourselves living beings in an unknown world that feels simultaneously cold, new, familiar, harsh and hopefully at least a titch welcoming?
Was I afraid to be born? Were you? Did I come here forgetting how to feel excitement? Did I come with some small knowledge that if it was going to be worth it at all to rip myself away from the snug, warm, safe womb and venture into this world, I would have to have hard times; quite possible so as to be able to notice and appreciate the sweet times? Did I get born knowing all there is to know and simply forget it all somewhere along the way during infancy? Or might I have learned to be afraid during those precious years as I galloped into old age?
My Canadian bank won’t let me have my money unless I am physically there to receive it. They told me that when I was in Toronto. I choose to trust it could get figured out here. Yesterday I was horrified that I would be a pauper. Last night I cuddled into the loving heart of family, shared food I for once supplied, if not prepared, and watched a sweet, funny Canadian movie called, “If I Were You”. I found the contrast throughout the day to be noteworthy: Love versus Fear; my gratefulness that I had a safe harbour even as I became even more concerned about financial solvency. I am not afraid when I know myself to be surrounded by love.
Glory be to the heavens above. Think about that! There is SO much fear in our world.
It would appear to be true that there simply is not enough love being created moment to moment to off set the fear that permeates our world today. I profoundly believe if there were more LOVE there would be way less FEAR and thus far more balance, harmony and peace. When I am anxious or afraid I get touchy, grouchy, irritable, bitchy, even though I really do not like that word. It is easy to get into arguments or disagree about even little things when one feels vulnerable and afraid.
Money means power and safety…..and there are billions of people with not enough money. I am not one of them and even so I get afraid. Glory be, it is truly beyond comprehension how some people are even able to survive, physically and emotionally. I do believe we are a world about to be, if not already there, out of control with a tsunami of fear threatening to drown us all.
Equally I do believe if we would risk being vulnerable and allow ourselves to open our heart and receive as well as give love, life as we know it today could improve considerably. I have been in the United States a week now and I have as yet to be in a conversation with more than two people without something being said that indicates exceeding anxiety about our country’s future.
I believe when I focus on what IS good and positive and refuse to give my attention to what is negative and frightening, I can generate hope and hook into my ultimate faith in myself and the universe. I do not suggest we approve or support thinking, beliefs, decisions we know to be wrong and hurtful and destructive. What I am meaning to say is that in order to survive in these unsettled times we absolutely MUST remember the beautiful, sweet, loving moments that are always there even if we forget to look.
- I am grateful for a new group of like mystery readers I met last evening with whom I share similar thinking and feeling
- I am grateful for my precious Aimee’s forgiveness after I inadvertently smashed her tiny vulnerable foot under my chair….
- I am grateful my dear friend Mary is willing to disrupt her home and life and offer Aimee and me living space for a couple of months
- I am grateful for the kindness and non shaming manner of the woman at the grocery store when my credit cards did not any of them work.
- I am grateful for the steadiness of my family as they support me through each technological and financial adventure/learning/challenge.
- I am grateful to be living near loving friends and family
Remember to write gratitudes each day. They matter. Love, Nancy