One of those days…..one of those days when I want to share a morning coffee with a friend; I want to sit and laugh and love and be still and quiet inside. It is rainy and cold. Autumn is running fast at my heals, chasing me into the reality of colder days and longer nights. I packed summer clothes for my nomadic travels because it was summer when I packed.
Today, one of those days, less than I week before moving day, I will make coffee, feed Aimee, and re-pack my clothes. Let’s face it: I will no longer be living here; colder weather is coming; I am off the edge of new and slipping into life as it is now; coffee sounds good even if classical musical on CBC is my best friend for the moment; I am happy; and I am living in uncertainty with a certain amount of pizzazz…..I had a vodka martini two nights in a row with precious dear friends, and I ate cashews and chocolate for afternoon snack in total defiance of commitment to healthy living so I can caper about this world for 3 more decades rather than two.
My house smells like cardboard boxes and I had to squirrel myself into one of those boxes to find a bread knife for the baguette I bought to go with my roast chicken for dinner last night. Much like camping out as my friend Carol says. At least Aimee and I are still sleeping in a real bed. Today will be devoted to gently packing glass lamp shades. I think bubble wrap and blankets will do the trick.
I bought the latest Louise Penny book, The Glass House, to save and savour when I am a long time guest in a friend or family member’s home and need a taste of Canada/Quebec/familiar/ my life before. I have just discovered Jonathan Black with his marvelous protagonist Quirke whose newest love interest is Evelyn the Austrian psychiatrist. I definitely have questions about her! The book comes from the library so I may have to “borrow” it for a while and mail it back when I’m finished. Old friends to take with me, turn to when I want to remember and want familiar feelings that have been honed into my soul throughout the last 30 years. Those deep tracks dug into the brain that don’t even want to be washed over and replaced.
My new home being freshly build in the woods by two small lakes one of which I can see out of my sun room window, in Kalamazoo, Michigan, finally has four walls, a roof, plumbing and is ready for me to come and make decisions regarding electrical outlets. Big job, that electrical stuff. Gladly I will accept help in making those decisions. I feel oldly new…..I was wondering if I felt newly old, but I don’t. I have felt old for a bit now. Endings and beginning make for new….thus I am old, but in my oldness I am creating myself anew.
Exciting! Mystery! Magic potential. Absolutely beautiful. And all wrapped in love. Strange I make this move at this era of chaos in the United States. I do ponder what that says about me…..because I think it does say something. Not the least of which I do dearly hope it says I bring some thoughts, ideas, possibilities, dreams, hopes that I can share with like minded people. I know those who long for me and those I long for as well will drift in my direction. My job is to pay attention, risk, stay open, suspend judgement, hold Grace and Good Will close to my soul.
Grace gives me self esteem and self confidence. Grace reminds me to remain solidly connected to the me I glory in being. Good Will keeps me open and honest. I offer those two little imps as gifts for you to puzzle over and decide if you might want to keep in your pocket or give space on your shoulder to glump about with you throughout each day. Even in the midst of trying times, trust me, you won’t regret having Grace and Good Will as traveling companions.
I don’t want to give you up right now: I like who I am as I sit at my lap top writing to you, thinking about you, wondering who is reading this at this moment, loving what our combined energy and resources can dream. I feel filled, complete, sweetly satisfied when I write to you, about me and life, what I believe and hope and wonder. I hope you stay connected to me as I shift living space, as I take the newly old me into an adventure that I will share with you if you want me to do that.
Have compassion, give at least 3 gratitudes each day, be curious, smile.
Hugs, and love always, Nancy
I am grateful my moving day is only 6 days away
I am grateful I have such good solid help for my moving across the border
I am grateful I have been so thorough re: doctor, dentist, vet, groomer, meds, stuff……
I am grateful for this new adventure, yet another in a long and blessed life