Two weeks and I begin to live a bit as a nomad moving from place to place until my final destination is available. Thirty years in the Beaches community of Toronto, Ontario doing what I love to do: living, laughing, walking my dog, reading, listening to music, inviting my family to join me, loving friends and most of all, doing the magic, mystical, sacred work of facilitating and guiding relationships, couples, families. I am blessed.
Kalamazoo, Michigan here I come! I am ready. I am loving the unknown, the possibilities, the hope and dreams and not yet dreamed. How very many times I have redesigned myself over the 8 decades of my life thus far: child (happy, sometimes bewildered), adolescent (shy, uncertain), young woman ( not confident, curious), young married (in love, trying hard, anxious), young mother ( delighted, excited, dumb), divorced (scared, freed, searching), single parent ( neglectful, drowning, needy), professional ( new, excited, proud), immigrant to Canada ( eager, optimistic, hopeful), 23 year relationship ( fortunate, safe, challenged), widowed (scared, stretched, grateful), retiree ( ready, not ready, visioning new)……and now nomad until my home is ready to welcome me. Hopefully before 2018.
I invite you to take some time to meditate on the many yous there have have over the years. I find it so very affirming to recite what I have done with my life, to honour how well I have used my time and my gifts, and to acknowledge the strength and tenacity it has taken to get to here from there. More and more I deeply understand as Shirley McLaine has said, “There are no mistakes, only lessons to be learned.” Or as my cousin Gail says, “Another fringing growth experience, huh Nanc?”
And still there is more to learn. I am so glad for that to be true. I am not completed yet….I need more time and have more adventures and my mind must be further stretched. I walk around, literally, packed boxes, boxes to be packed, black bags filled and those yet to fill, pictures, small blankets, glasses, coat racks, stuff……so much stuff….winter clothes to keep out, summer clothes to store…..upside down world and Aimee looks at me hopefully. “You are not going to pack me in a box and send me out never to return, please…..are you?” She sits at my feet or plasters herself against my body whenever she can and tries to when she really can’t so that I will not forget her. I tell her frequently that we are sticking together.
Take notice: what have you done? what needs to be done? where are you now? where do you want to be?…..An inventory. Check yourself out. I bet you like and appreciate yourself way more than you realized.
I had an amazing/sacred moment some years ago while at the cemetery walking Aimee, the most precious dog on the planet. I was at the top of a small hill looking over acres of land and everything became very still. The birds stopped singing, the wind ceased moving, the stillness, and then the brilliance of light shining through and on everything made me hold my breath and simply BE. I felt the words, “You have done well…..and my entire life flashed through me in a moment.
I have done well. You have done well. We all do. We do what we know to do, we learn compassion for self and others, we allow for love and kindness. Precious blessed life. Commit to daily gratitudes. It matters.
I am grateful for learnings past and the promise of learnings future
I am grateful for receiving and giving love
I am grateful to be alive in a world I am still trying to understand
I am grateful for choices I have made
I am grateful to be healthy and cherish each day for it’s beauty and wonder
Hugs and love, Nancy