There is a space between now and forever……a long deep silver place that holds me in the ancestor’s quilt of love and comfort. I spend a long time in that place…..thinking, remembering, preparing.
It is the perfect place for healing and preparing. The intense grief of ending an era has softened. Shades of gray and near black melt into silver and blur around the edges. Alone. Not quite empty. No outside interference allowed. Aimee sits on my feet when I write, sleeps on my tummy or legs when I rest, puts her back against my back at night. I have all that I need or want. Silence. Space. Room to remember, to think, to forgive, to try to find meaning; ready for a vision of what comes next.
Peace and hope. In the silvery silence I find hope for a world in unrest. I look for meaning in violence, shame, horror, fear. I am afraid for the future of my country of birth and I hope I am preparing myself to return with skills and gifts of love and strength. My plan thus far is to return able to provide what is wanted to those I love and to those yet unknown whom I will come to love.
I recently read Sara Wiseman’s blog where she talks about turning the other cheek meaning look away. Take your focus off of what has happened that you do not agree with and look at beauty. Not turn the other cheek and get hit again! Oh, no! Refuse to put energy or time or resources into a wrong that affronts you and look toward the sky, nature, the good in our wonderful world. I love that image. I love the magic and mystery: what I find happens lately when I turn the other cheek and do not listen to what I don’t want to hear is that I find peace and hope, a bit of grace, and a whole lot of dignity looking me clearly in my eyes, reminding me that I do not believe I came here on this earth to get lost in fear or misery.
Suggesting maybe I did come here to help provide some guidance out of misery. My message for couples, as well as the rest of the world!, is kindness will find the way. Lead with kindness even when slapped in the face with horror. Returning anger and being unkind back does not help anyone. Eventually kindness will help melt shades of gray and almost black to silver that with time will glisten and sparkle and when strong can dance and learn to sing.
I invite you to take a moment to remember 3 or 5 or 10 moments of gratitude or kindness: moments when something lovely or helpful or tender happened to you or for you.
- I am grateful for my neighbour who told me about parking permits. (helpful)
- I am grateful for my dear friend who is putting together a wonderful small and doable good-bye dinner for me as I come closer and closer to my move date of Sept. 9 (lovely)
- I am grateful for Aimee’s vet who together with others in the office gave us a good-bye bouquet of flowers. (tender)
- Hugs and love, Nancy