I’m contemplating the reality of retirement this last while in yet a new and deeper way. As my practice slows down, both because of summer and because I am retiring and moving to Michigan in September, I have more time to assess exactly what it is that I want to do with my time, my energy, my life experiences, the last phase of life as I have known it all these many decades.
I have long admired and envied people who have hobbies, things they love to do outside of a beloved and blessed job such as I was fortunate to have; and energy to go full tilt into 14 or more hours out of every 24. Never have I been blessed with an abundance of energy or zillions of possibly interesting things to do with my time and talents. I’ve been amazingly focused on the healing, growing, and teaching process of living in loving relationship.
Noooowwww what? I ponder, I think, I imagine, dream, hope, wish, am curious, but mostly lately…..I seem to feel tired. I believe for me to fully move into whatever it is that comes next, I have to have closure on what has been true for so very long. For me that means remembering: going over in my day time and night time dreams what I have witnessed, what I have learned, what I have done and what I have failed to do…..or chose not to do for whatever reason.
It is no longer going into the belly of the whale….it is not depression nor is it sadness or grief. It is simply acknowledging, taking responsibility for, mildly celebrating, shifting…remembering. To do that well, intentionally and with mind fully addressing the process, it takes time and that takes emotional energy which translates for me, into needing to rest, meditate, pray, be still, contemplative. I must take the time to soothe the self that is disappointed or still has some regrets. I am actively allowing compassion to comfort and assure me that all is well in my inner world and the outer world I have intentionally created for a long time.
There has been a shift that I do not yet fully understand but do feel confident about and have excitement as I approach possibilities I haven’t even yet considered. Possibly the me that embraces none doing will continue learn more about how to use my none doing self for the betterment of my own soul; and I am curious? Might my none doing self find ways to connect to something new and exciting to me and might I be able to delight in what that might look and feel like?
My message, and my gift, as I share my own aging/changing process is to truly listen. Listen with exquisite ears. Listen tenderly, gently, with grace and dignity. Listen carefully. Your body, the world around you, your intuition and your heart place all come together to give you valuable information. Trust the quiet times. Soft whispers from your soul will guide you if you let that happen.
Important suggestions: Take 20 minutes every day to write whatever comes to your fingers that wants to be said. Take 15 minutes every day to walk out doors by yourself and welcome whatever comes or doesn’t come. Trust yourself and your inner guide.
Love always, Nancy