I wrote the below letter recently as I find myself closing up shop, if you will, for the evening and preparing to walk into a new night. As I begin that walk I see the glorious morning sunrise in the near and safe distance. I will have returned to Michigan ready to create another satisfying, challenging life of balance and love.
I share my story in this way because I encourage each of you to do the same for yourself: write your story as you feel it today. Love and respect yourself as you come alive before your eyes and in your heart. Forgive yourself. Rejoice. Honour who you were and who you have become.
Remember: every day is new. An opportunity. Begin each day as usual, or do something different. It is up to you. Believe in yourself.
Love always, Nancy
Once you were a sweet eager child, wanting nothing more from the world around you than to feel loved and be seen. You were blessed with both. Often times you didn’t notice.
You were a shy uncertain teenager who hid behind books and kept your words to yourself. You longed for friends thus frequented a world of love and harmony that you created in your head. You were sometimes called stuck-up when what was true was you were scared: scared no one liked you, scared you had nothing to offer, scared you would be found out for being so uncertain, scared you were inadequate. Scared you didn’t know how and were not sufficient for whatever task or job was required.
You trembled as you moved into young adulthood. You nearly asked your father to grab you and run as you clung to his arm in preparation for walking down the aisle in your tiny Community Church that stood valiantly in the the centre of the small resort town of your birth and growing up years. Your aunt came; you dressed in your lovely long white wedding gown, proudly showing off your minutes old wedding band; she took you to a corner of the church coat room and asked if you knew what to expect on your wedding night and how to protect yourself.
You said yes.
You married to be taken care of and to give birth to 4 souls you knew were waiting for you. You were not a good marriage partner and you were not big enough, strong enough, smart enough, old enough or nearly enough of practically anything to be raising 4 beautiful and astounding children who needed you and often you couldn’t do it. They knew that so they learned to do it themselves.
You valiantly attempted to pull it together: to pull yourself together, to pull your family together, to pull your inside world and outside world together so you could function properly. Sometimes you succeeded . Sometimes you didn’t. You never gave up.
You are a woman of love and kindness who does not faltered in your intention to live a creative life with integrity and grace. You are human and as yet, unfortunately, not fully self actualize. You came here on this planet to grow, to learn and to share who you are and who you want to be. You have always, from the time you were wee, expected yourself to be there and you didn’t really understand what that meant. You aren’t there yet and I expect that is a good thing because maybe if you were, you wouldn’t be here.
I have come to learn to love you and respect you. I am learning to accept that you are mine and together we are finding our way through an amazing, complex, mysterious, and beautiful world and life, with all that it means to be here.
In awe of life as I see it today. Nancy