Attention seeking. Needy. Dependent.
YES! We all are.
Most of the time.
It is the nature of our being, of who we are at our very core. We thrive on being seen and noticed and understood. We long to belong and forget so quickly even when told often. Our deepest darkest most precious secret at the center of our gut is to have the undivided attention from those who are supposed to love us. We yearn for that attention that confirms our hunch that if we pester or hang around or squeak carefully enough we will be noticed and seen and heard, thus validating we are loved.
Sometimes a squeak doesn’t work and it takes a roar!
Babies bang their head against their crib, children scream swear words, young folks give and receive black eyes and bloody noses, adults do stupid, mean, hateful, vengeful things to those they claim to love and/or respect, and what they all have in common is the desire to be seen, validated, known, listened to, to belong, and to be understood. ( I amuse myself by wondering if any of the above helps explain Trump’s virulent words and actions?)
It annoys me when I hear someone slough off someone else’s behavior as attention seeking. Of course he/she is seeking attention. And so they should. That is the only way we know we exist: if someone reflects back to us, negatively or positively, our behavior, we know we have made an impact, ergo we BE, we ARE, somewhere inside all of our vibrating energy there is a ME.
It is very easy to loose track of who ME is. Teachers, parents, siblings, lovers, partners, children, all have an interest in telling us who we are. After a while we begin to believe other and forget Self. We loose track of whether or not we even actually exist.
When someone who matters to you is annoying ask yourself two questions: what about me makes what they are doing annoying to me? and what about them am I not noticing and they long to have me recognize?
Good stuff to spend quality time on with your partner. Listen to each other, don’t defend or explain yourself, just learn and glean information. If you or someone else is exhibiting attention seeking behavior it is because you or someone else wants attention. Good job. Attention is what helps us trust we are alive and that we matter; that we count for something and that we make a difference in the world.
Getting your attention means I have a ME.