Just pretend. Please. Hold me. Love me. One more time. Pretend we are good. Pretend we matter. Pretend, now, just for a moment longer.
Words a dear client recently told me she said to a lover who was on his way out. Just pretend…..
Sometimes we need love, connection, a belief that we exist, so badly that we beg to make it all up and go on in life not facing what feels too shattering to accept. Fake it til you make it, I have heard be said.
Oh, my, a complete shattering of the soul. Soul shattering as in precious crystals breaking, begging to sparkle and come alive again. Stripped into pieces too bloody to touch.
Thus is our need to be loved. So much so sometimes that we make up that it helps to deny what is real and create non real for a moment of relief. Just pretend.
I pretended Bradshaw was my real best friend when I was lonely as a child. It worked then. Together we created fantasy worlds that fed and nurtured us and filled lonely hours with colour and hope. It doesn’t work for grown ups though. We see ourselves too clearly and the veil between here and somewhere magic is thicker than it was when by age we actually were closer to that other world.
No matter how hard we try, lying and making up stories, or trying to live in the belief that we are safe or chosen when we know we are not, won’t work for us because we can actually see too clearly. Our grown up self demands we tell ourselves the truth. If we lie to ourselves we pay an unimaginable price that is very likely to result in depression and/or significant physical ailments.
Once again Louise Hay comes to mind. So many decades ago she taught us that love has to come from the inside self first. Love ourselves, then we know we are lovable and can trust that we are loved. Forgive ourselves, have compassion, understanding for who we are and choices we have made, decisions we have made that have effected others. It is never too late to face our shadow self and learn to love her. All of us always make mistakes, disappoint and have lessons to learn.
That is what this journey on this planet is all about: Learning. Learning to love, to give love and let ourselves receive love. Harville Hendrix, in Receiving Love says we can not truly love others until we can accept and love ourselves first. That requires forgiveness, understanding and compassion for self. Dear precious you, dear precious me, we both diligently, courageously have always intended to do the best we knew how with whatever it might be that life gave us to handle. These are lessons we came here to learn in this life time.
And this is what we are doing: trying to learn what next there is about self that needs to be bushed off a bit, needs a shine put on, needs a bit more spit and polish. Like an expensive pair of new shoes, we need tender careful care. We are vulnerable, fragile sometimes, and always very valuable and precious.
Don’t linger over an undesirable lover, whether that lover be a person, place, or thing. Love yourself more. As you would an expensive pair of shoes, take care of yourself, wrap yourself in tissue paper when you are too vulnerable to be seen, risk going out in only good weather where you can count on being safe from mud and gunk, expose yourself to only those who can appreciate expensive shoes.
Love you, respect you and hold yourself in high regard. The rest will follow in it’s own sweet time.
Love always, Nancy