Aimee, most precious 12 year old puppy on the plant, is at my feet lulled in the bliss of the world of loud snores. I envy her ability to go into deep slumber almost instantly, almost any time at all. Then she pops right up and is ready for whatever might be on offer. What a life: sleep….prepared for adventure….no worries…..trusts food will be in front of her regularly twice a day. Always loved. Always loving. Even when she is not quite so totally lovable, still, she is lovable.
Not what I bottom line want for my life; but something to learn from, especially when thinking about resiliency. When I bottom out it takes a while to pull back into the sunshine. Over the years I have learned to trust that one day soon the sun will shine again: in my heart, in my soul, in my mind, in my life! But sometimes it takes thick, dark, gauzy, fug before I re-enter the life I truly prefer.
I am learning to trust the fug, to understand that is a time of respite, recover, integrate, learn, believe, sort out, wait, wonder, remember……looking back. I appreciate the opportunity to get my inner life back in order, my outer life safely in place, and reclaim moving forward.
Linda Graham writes so beautifully and intelligently about resilience. She says that for many decades it has been the message from science, psychology, wisely thinking and researching people that when our feelings take over,when our primitive brain goes into fight, flight or freeze, we need to intentionally move away from that intensity and get into our rational thinking self. We have been taught that is the way out of chaos and distress.
Information now supports what we sensitive feelers have always known: feelings matter and are not to be ignored. Quite the contrary to being ignored, feelings are to be honoured and respected. At the same time, our rational brain must have a large and significant part in our trauma drama. We must think! We must intentionally put one foot in front of the other and use our experience and a life time of wisdom to clear the fug and get back at life.
We need both: feelings and mind, similtaneously.
Thus: be in fug, live with feelings, and gradually and mindfully slosh your way out into the safe and joyful part of life that is always waiting on the other side to welcome you, embrace you and hold you in high regard.
I think many of us spend far too much time and waste our energy being critical with our own decision making. Have compassion for yourself. You are dancing as fast as you can. You deserve to have whatever time it takes to make whatever changes are necessary. Gently bring both head and feelings, rational self and emotions, heart and soul into change and decisions
Accept your precious self with as much compassion as you would give someone you love.
At the end of the day, loving yourself is the most courageous gift you can give: to yourself, and to the world. Our world would be a far better place if we could all value and respect and love ourselves. And then we can love others as we love ourselves.