Her coat is the colour of pulled taffy. Her big round eyes are like melted dark chocolate and her small white tail flashes when she loops away over the hill at the cemetery. I don’t think she is very old though full grown and appears to be living alone in the ravine. She is very curious and not so much frightened as careful. She looks at me, she looks at Aimee, she looks at me, she wanders off.
I think it has been a few years since a deer has lived at the cemetery cum park where Aimee and I walk most days. The coyotes have not been there in a long time, nor have I seen a fox for ages.
This morning, with the warm sun on my back like a big loving hand holding me and soothing me, I pondered what feels like a returning of energy I have known in the past, and I breathed deeply……and there she was. In all her splendor. I think God was visiting me, loving me, comforting me, assuring me that the resting I am doing is a good thing. My foot is feeling better, my leg less pained and stressed. The time I am taking for myself seems to be helping me to heal…..I think physically, emotionally, spiritually. I think my energy gas tank was pretty low, but it is crawling back up to a safe place again and I am grateful.
I am having blessed precious days of not much to do. On the one hand I find that very frightening. On the other hand I am understanding the gift I have been given. The gift of quiet inner healing. Some of the healing seems to be existential. But some is also historical…..mine and the hundreds probably thousands of stories I wear. I wear my history and the history of many others lovingly, tenderly, with honour and sacredness. And right now it is time to not wear that particular cloak for awhile and run freely through the meadow with the sun on my back holding me safely and with divine love.
I am so grateful I have learned at last to trust my own unique process. I hope you can let yourself do the same. My way is not your way. Your way may not be the same way your partner processes change and growth and learning and life. But it is all okay and it is all right and good. Listen to your inner voice of wisdom. Have faith in the goodness of life and surround yourself with love. What more could any one ask for?
Blessings as always, Nancy