I’m waiting for something to catch up with me…..my soul? my spirit? my memories? I don’t quite know what it is. I slow down the inner chatter and listen….I wait….I wonder. My house and yard are so very lovely: I bought 3 Boston ferns for the urns, one on each side of the stairs going up to the porch and one beside the front door. I bought an orange begonia with deep green/red leaves for the small wicker table on the porch and a cream-coloured begonia with green leaves for the tall wrought iron stand in the back yard.
I put 5 gallons of water in the fountain in the back yard and turned it on, I swept the stones and bricks, I turn on all the lights in the house, closed the right doors, opened the right doors, put on classical music, wiped out the kitchen sink one last time and locked front and back doors as Aimee and I left the house for someone new to look it over and begin to fall in love.
I am ready to turn it over to a younger family and have children’s laughter, tears, anger, hurt and love fill each room. I am ready for someone to love working in the garden, sit on the porch and watch the world go by, make love in the warm welcoming rooms, have fun, struggle, grow, learn and fill this space with new and different energy. It was mine and Clo’s, then mine, now it belongs to someone else who longs for this exact space, this healing and loving energy, this time and place to create family and a life that is their way and no longer my way.
Now I wait for that exact right family to find us: my house and me. They are looking eagerly, hoping, wanting, yearning, longing to find their home and settle in for a goodly length of time. Once this house held children, 3 that I know of, more I suspect. Then during my 25 years here this house celebrated with grandchildren, family, friends, love and laughter. Sometimes tears, pain, loss, sickness and death. A sacred space for so very many people. Now a whole new world will move in and take over. And so they should. It is time for change. It is time a new family moves forward into living in this space and it is time I move forward into my life in a whole different place.
I wait. I am patient. I haven’t been totally patient the last few days. But now I am patient. Time is doing what it does best: heal, move at it’s own pace, and take action when it is ready.
Maybe what I am waiting to catch up with me is simply time. I know I am ready. Maybe time needs to believe me. I urge you to trust your process in whatever it might be that is foremost in your heart and soul right now. Often we want what we want when we want it. Just as often the universe doesn’t quite believe us yet, our body and soul have not quite found the message we think we are sending out into the vast open sacred space beyond us. Remember to trust in miracles, see the blessings surrounding you and wait. Your time and my time will come. It always has and it always will.