April 7, 2017

Quote:

“Spontaneous……. natural, gracefully natural and unconstrained.”

Oxford Dictionary

Thoughts:

Isn’t that lovely? “Gracefully natural and unconstrained.” I think of spontaneous as fully alive, joyful, energy that flows easily. I like it when I feel spontaneous. I like it when I move easily about my life; not holding back or frightened or stopping myself because my energy isn’t available.

I wrote yesterday about not being depressed, but instead feeling non spontaneous as in those moments of stillness and ennui that are more about letting go so as to be able to move forward rather than dulling down and snuffing out our life force. I don’t like the word depressed very much on the whole. I think it is often used to blame or judge: she is just depressed, you know. Let her wallow in it all…..

NO!

She is feeling contemplative, quiet, still, thoughtful. She needs quiet time to process and prepare for stepping back into an active life once again.

We all need that. Sometimes for a long period of time. Sometimes we need help getting out of the morass. But realizing that time out period is about something inside is dying and that something deserves to be attended to kindly and gracefully makes sense to me and feels forgiving, feels true, feels very healthy, and wise self-care.

What others call depressed I prefer to think of, at least for myself, as lack of spontaneity. When I am rested, refreshed, integrated, back on safe and solid ground, I can reconnect to the aliveness of a gracefully natural and unconstrained life.

All change, welcomed, appreciated, asked for, hated, unwanted, feared, ALL change uses energy and deserves regard. Change means giving up one thing and finding something else. There is a loss. And that loss must be honored. Change takes its own sweet time to receive all the honoring it requires. So we must be attuned to our inner Self, without blame or judgement, and stay still as long as it takes. And when the dying is complete and the birthing is ready, we will know it and feel it. This completion will feel like a renewal of spontaneity.

Gratitudes:

  • I am grateful I better understand lack of spontaneity
  • I am grateful I am not blaming myself when I seem to require extra sleep and rest during this tumultuous time of change, as I prepare to leave my life in Toronto and make a place for myself in Kalamazoo, Michigan
  • I am grateful for time to rest, time to play, and time to work
  • I am grateful for a life I feel satisfied with
  • I am grateful for the love I feel
  • I am grateful…..

Love, Nancy

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