April 6, 2017


“Something must die for spontaneity to be born.”

Peter Pitzele

“An increase in imagination often results in an increase in courage…..Awakening the imagination awakens the heart and stretches it.”

Jonathon Fox


I am grateful to both Pitzele and Fox for putting into words what I have been feeling and have not been able to fully understand. Both men are psychodramatists, teachers, authors, long time lecturers of great esteem in the world of psychodrama. Makes sense they would have words to help understand the shutting down or lack of spontaneity I am sometimes feeling, while at the same time knowing just over those mountains ahead l will discover unknown adventure, dreams, wonderment, surprise and mystery.

I have mountains to climb, seas to swim,  jungles to chop my way through before I am ready to leave behind the safe and familiar life I have had help creating throughout my almost 3 decades living in Toronto. I am doing the hard work of dying, completing, finishing a significant phase in my life. I am preparing for a new beginning, for a birthing of joy, for the opportunity to bring loving delightful spontaneity back into my world.

That is truly what it is: not depression, but the quiet before storming into a brilliant new life.

Something needs to die inside of us, a part of us that we know well, treasure, find familiar and hold onto tightly; so a new, spontaneous creation can begin. This is true with all change. The word change means different. To do something differently it is only reasonable to accept that the different is in the place of something. Thus an empty space needs to be open so it can hold the new.

A new life awaits, beckons, calls me in Michigan. And as I open the space for the new, the unknown, the uncertainty and adventure and surprises, I must let go of the old, the familiar, the certainty. My life in Toronto dies and a new life in Kalamazoo is born. Your old familiar behaviors die as you mindfully learn new ways to relate, as you intentionally allow for spontaneity to enter into your relationship, your work setting, your dream life.

Give some serious thought to the concept of death so new can happen for you.  During that dying process you are bound to become sad, probably tired, lose energy, lose sight of purpose and meaning, maybe flounder around a fair bit. Dying isn’t easy. It takes courage: the courage of being empty, uncertain, taking a leap into the unknown.  Giving birth takes another kind of courage: courage filled with hope and trust and carrying all we have learned over our life time. Giving birth requires accepting pain and through the pain lays the path for renewal.

If you are experiencing a desire for change, or are in the midst of change already happening, take heart. Nobody finds it an easy job. You are bound to have times of despair and regret and fear. You won’t sleep or you will sleep too much. You will grumble, shut down or become obnoxiously talkative. All part of the process. Death is trying to happen so there is room for birth to explode.


  • I am grateful for guides and words of wisdom that suit me
  • I am grateful for spring rain that heralds flowers, blossoming of new beginnings, life to be celebrated.
  • I am grateful for the life that beckons me in Michigan as I grieve my closure in Toronto
  • I am grateful for my energy.
  • I am grateful for a lovely lunch I had today with a dear and gifted woman who has become a dear friend.
  • I am grateful for my life.

Blessings, precious dear friends, Nancy

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