“To love fully, with open heart and full consciousness takes courage…..”
Nancy Ross (once again I quote myself. Responsibility is on my mind.)
Clo and I decided mutually when she was diagnosed with stage four cancer that we would rely entirely on the medical world and not do alternative healing options. A huge decision, from which we only slightly diverted. Every day a parent somewhere is having to make the decision whether or not to have their child immunized, medicate their child, refuse their child the freedom s(he requests.
Every parent, every partner, friend, family member, pet owner, person of maturity and life experience has had a moment, or many moments of bewilderment, anxiety, concern, uncertainty about what they can best do for a being they love. Our decisions and choices make a difference. Sometimes life time differences.
Parents have to make medical decisions, partners have to make physical, emotional, financial decisions; always a heart decision is a part of the challenge. How do we love responsibly? Is it loving to pay attention……is it loving to trust and let go?………is it loving to worry, or intervene?……or stay out of it? What is the responsible, mature, thoughtful, kindest thing to do?
Is it time to let go of my aging parent and let their natural course take charge? Am I doing my parent a favor by keeping them in my home, or would quality of life for all of us be better somewhere else….on and on come the questions.
Often times I think we have an internal battle between the self that loves and the self that needs to take care of the rest of life. To whom do I owe the greatest kindness, the most generosity? Sometimes it is imperative to make what might feel like an unkind decision for someone we love so as to take care of ourselves. If we aren’t rested, or safe, or solid in ourselves, we will be unable to attend to the needs and demands of others who depend on us.
I am seeing a young couple with 3 small children who are stretched to their limit emotionally, financially, physically. His mother needs a home. She is unwell and in need of care and not ready to go into a facility for someone her age. Nor do they want her to go somewhere else. They want her with them. And they really can not take care of her properly. Everyone, including the children are in great distress.
Over and over we are faced with choices that are impossible to make. And yet we do make them. We decide to let it go and live with it, we decide to make a change and take a chance. It takes incredible courage to say yes or to say no to a huge need of someone we love. What we must learn to do is let go of any belief that we know all the answers. Just possibly, the best answer is for us to wait and see what happens. Or maybe the best we can do is trust people who know more than we do about a particular situation.
What I want most to say here is trust yourself and forgive yourself. If your decision for a loved one feels like you are being selfish, so be it. Quite likely that is still the best choice. Selfishness is about self-care and can be done responsibly. You matter too. Find someone you trust to love you and talk over your dilemma. If you have to choose you at the expense of someone depending on you and whom you love, that may very possibly be the right choice.
Recognize the courage it takes to be unpopular. As well as the courage and enormous responsibility to love wisely.
- I am grateful for the wisdom to be supportive and to witness clients distress
- I am grateful for my health
- I am grateful my energy has maintained
- I am grateful precious Aimee, cutest puppy on the planet, is in good health
- I am grateful for dear friends.
- I am grateful for a lovely visit last night with Valerie who used to share my basement
- I am grateful for a life well lived.
Blessings and love, Nancy