March 31, 2017


“Expect your every need to be met, expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level, expect to grow spiritually.”

Eileen Caddy


When I expect something to go wrong it most often does indeed go off the rails and I am left to figure out how to reassemble the smashed to smithereens puzzle pieces. Every single time I go jolly well along my way, giving very little thought, simply one smart foot in front of the other because I have been taking care of business and I have my ducks lined up all clever and cute, life just smoothly unfolds in front of me. Like a river splashing over rocks and trees and tumbling down boulders and past sandy beaches, my life burbles along with doable hitches and some laughter floating around the edges.

Most often I get disaster if that is what I am am obsessed with thinking about.  When my brain goes to sleep full of calamities, and my heart wakes up full of faith, and trust steps forward, I grow: spiritually, emotionally, physically (I am healthy and feel fit), financially, (when I don’t scare myself with negative thoughts, I can fill myself full of abundance).

Yesterday I had a moment of bliss. I was listening to John Denver and Placido Domingo sing John Denver’s Perhaps Love. It is a lovely song and those two beautiful men just sing it with tenderness and mystery. Aimee was on my tummy. I closed my eyes. I felt Clo’s presence. I felt warm….safe…..seen.

Memories/images passed through my mind from when we first met right through 23 years that we shared, to her illness and finally the moment my daughters and granddaughter and I held her as she took her last breath. She faded slowly, leaving me holding my breath and knowing she was saying good bye to me and our life in our home together. It was a precious life time we shared and I hold in my soul the belief that she is well pleased with decisions I have made these nearly 4 years since she died.

I have been expecting a visit from her. I have had no idea when or where that visit would appear. It was filled with vivid colour, kindness and peace, neither of us holding regrets; both of us drifted away smiling, eyes meeting in a profound understanding.


  • I am deeply grateful for those few moment of grace as Clo and I together said good-bye to this house and the life we both created that is now completed
  • I am grateful I made the decision to be moved from Toronto to Kalamazoo, Michigan by fall of 2017
  • I am grateful I will have a new home I have helped design to move into
  • I am grateful for this home on Bellhaven that has taken such very good care of me and of all those many whom I have loved over the years and welcomed into my home and my life.

Listen for the message and the mystery in music, there is always so much to hear. Nancy

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