March 25, 2017


“Listen or thy tongue will keep thee deaf.”

American Indian proverb

“Look wise, say nothing and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.”

Sir William Osler


I actually had Trump in mind when those two quotes jumped out at me. His tongue makes me deaf and I liked the part about “say nothing”. It would be a huge relief to have some silence for an hour or two from his part of the world.

Huge celebrations at the same time for the positive outcome of the US health care plan. Big relief!!

I teach couples about learning to really listen. We think we are listening but what is more likely to be happening is we are preparing our rebuttal or our defense inside our brain and not actually paying full attention to our partner at all. We are with ourselves waiting for our turn with bated breath. Really listening means forgetting self and hearing someone else’s experience or point of view, even when their point of view differs from ours or actually feels very wrong from our perspective.

I invite you to take a few moments to set yourself aside and go into the inner self of someone else. Enter into their world. Given who they are, their experience, their place in life right now, where they have been and where they want to be……how might it be true that the way they are behaving makes sense. Maybe not how you would behave; but for them, it is their way and it makes sense… them!

It isn’t easy to walk in someone else’s shoes and I would be the first to admit that I can be critical or judgmental.  My negative judgments are not helpful. My understanding is helpful. It will help us connect, help us feel safer with each other, and is more likely to get each of us what we ultimately want …..which is probably closer connection and feelings of being cared for and maybe even loved.

Learn to listen with an open heart. Observe. Take in what you see and set aside judgments. Love without expectations. Be easier on yourself and on your dear one. Life is way too short for disappointment. Notice what you respect/admire/appreciate/like/desire. See what is and let go of what is not. You will both be much happier.


  • I am grateful I am beginning to be friends with my lap top
  • I am grateful Aimee and I had a lovely walk in the rain today
  • I am grateful for the nourishing food I have on hand
  • I am grateful a friend and I will be sharing food this evening
  • I am grateful for all the help I receive from so many dear people
  • I am grateful for the blessed sessions that have been taking place in my therapy room
  • I am grateful for my precious life.
  • I am grateful Obama Care is still in place.

Hugs, Nancy

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