“Don’t settle for the idea of healing through love. Don’t mistake the intellectualization for the experience. Take hold of love for yourself. Don’t rest until you have had the experience in every cell of your being what it means to partake of the joy of a connected relationship and the generosity of life. Take in the breath, light, water, and earth that are your true inheritance. Be a receiver first and then be a giver. That is the joy and the power of putting your relationship first.”
Harvelle Hendrix, Ph.D in his book Receiving Love.
Hendrix teaches that first we must learn to receive: love, joy, pleasure, hope, harmony, beauty, nature, everything, anything. If we can not open our soul to let in the world around us we also can not give from our soul/from the depth of our being.
I once knew a woman who had every gift I ever gave her still wrapped in Christmas or birthday paper stacked in her closet. Not one had been opened. She absolutely could not allow herself to be given to. Although she did not see herself this way, I found her to be very unhappy and unreliable. She was unable to accept from me, nor was she able to see or love me. I felt sad for her to be so alone.
Sometimes I know it feels risky to be vulnerable, to open your heart and love when that love might be turned down. But think about how wonderful it is when you know yourself to be loving. Year after year, as long as I was married to her step-son, I found gifts I thought/hoped she might enjoy/use/appreciate/value. I liked that my heart was happy to keep on keeping on. I liked that in myself.
Clo, my life partner of 23 years, was able to create a gourmet meal for us even after we had an all day altercation. It amazed me and I told her so. ” We need to eat,” she told me. “Our differences are something else altogether” I felt very given to amidst the pain of struggling to find the love and healing we were committed to in our relationship.
Practice. Be patient with yourself. Consciously let yourself be given to, if only in small ways. Let a smile, a kindly look in the eyes, a touch on your hand, food offered, errand done for you, let something little feel big. Let a tiny gift fill your heart and let yourself trust you are loved and lovable. When you crack the door just a titch and let a tiny ray of hope poke through, you will begin to find loving someone has a chance at bursting into a glorious bouquet of colourful flowers as though gathered from the forest or roadside or meadow, or your own preciously tended garden.
Risk helping your beloved heal because it will go a long way toward your own healing. Blessings in disguise. Surprises. It begins to grow and sooner than you might think, the door will open wide enough for the two of you to hold each other.
Let her love you so you can love back. Both of you will like yourself better for taking the chance.
- I am grateful for a full busy day that feels satisfying and successful.
- I am grateful for people who trust me
- I am grateful for several decades of experience
- I am grateful for choices and decisions I have made that serve me well today
- I am grateful I am loved
- I am grateful I know how to love.
Hugs and love, Nancy