“Love over suffering, always.”
Elizabeth Gilbert in her book Big Magic
I walk on a delicate balancing beam. I teeter from side to side and sometimes fall down with a thunderous crash. When I am steady, grounded, firm, solid with me and my inner and outer self, I know LOVE profoundly and am proud to give and to receive LOVE. When I lose my grip and slide into pain, sorrow, blame, fear, even sometimes hopelessness, I lose track of what I truly know and find myself suffering instead of remembering. Often times for me, suffering looks like paralysis. I am frozen or paralyzed and can not function. I don’t move forward. I am stuck, in shock, unable to do what I know I really can do.
Sound familiar to anyone else?
LOVE and SUFFERING…..LOVE is filled with life, forgiving, wholesome and easy. LOVE protects, embraces, and is welcoming. SUFFERING struggles, fights, squeezes, dulls, and drags a dark gloomy cloud wherever it creeps. Elizabeth Gilbert thinks some people believe there is honour in suffering. She doesn’t believe that, nor do I, but sometimes it might be true that we use suffering to get us out of doing what we know needs to be done. If I suffer enough someone will save me/understand me/care about me……
Not true. If we suffer enough we will sink. We will go under and have a terrible time pulling out of the steamy, smelly, muddy blog. If we refuse to suffer, pull from the inside out, and remember that in this very moment I am safe, in this next moment, in this moment as well; we can gradually morph ourselves into finding LOVE again: LOVE for self as well as LOVE for others.
There is no usefulness in suffering. I tell myself that every time I panic that there might not be enough of something or other: time, money, friends, energy, hope, sleep….whatever I am fearing the loss of. Right now I am fearing the US government wants to take my Canadian pension from me. Small good it does me to worry about that. What is, is. I doubt seriously that can actually happen. But I, like others, go to anxiety unnecessarily often. Instead of fear/anxiety/suffering, I am choosing to trust in a benevolent universe. I am focusing on LOVE which includes hope and faith.
There is no valour in SUFFERING. It takes courage to have faith and hope. I believe you and I have the courage to use our resources for LOVING and for focusing on what is good in our life and in the world. Gratitudes help remind me/us of joy, beauty, delight, and security. I am securely embraced by a loving universe and I celebrate that I have the wisdom to realize that truth.
- I am grateful for a US accountant and a Canadian accountant.
- I am grateful for wise decisions and choices I have frequently made throughout my life time.
- I am grateful I write and hopeful my words land where and when useful
- I am grateful for time to walk and enjoy the coming of spring
- I am grateful that as I move toward leaving Toronto and literally building a new life in Kalamazoo, Michigan, I continue to grow, learn, and remember.
- I am grateful to be me.
Love and hugs, always hope, Nancy