You Are Perfect

It is interesting to me how inward focused one can be when the weather outside is cold, dreary and uninviting. There are the every day sixes and sevens to be getting to and the……..and then……it is wearisome. Annoying. Boring actually. What next? Rather not go out and freeze myself walking Aimee, have no pizzazz for visitors or chatting, finished reading Ian McEwan’s The Children Act, (intelligent, thought provoking, some surprises) and need to let it settle, don’t need or want a nap, already cleaned the pantry and do not want to tackle the linen shelves. Maybe adult colouring book or scratching on a sheet of copper? Word puzzles?

I read somewhere decades ago that we are responsible for our own boredom. Right! I buy that. I do not expect anyone to take away this malaise I have going here. But I can’t think of anything interesting to do with myself right now.

Ever have a day, or even more than one day, feeling that way? Nothing to do that suits? I don’t tend to have many. But when I do I grumble.

Soooo, maybe I have a story to tell: Once upon a time

No story. It is strange to me. There are times when my fingers just want to dance, when my mind has thoughts I didn’t know it had and wants my fingers to listen, when words push urgently at me as I rush through the room trying to reach the computer in time to capture them. There are times like now when nothing is moving inside me. Clearly I’m stuck.

I suspect that might be because I do not want to talk about skunk smells and skunk smells still run my life. I am told this may well go on for as long as 6 months. I refuse to be burdened with dull wit for 6 months, to say nothing of sore throat, itchy eyes and burning nostrils. The skunk smog will clear and I will literally breathe fresh air again. Someday.

In the mean time, I am struck by how a surprise event can hi-jack one’s life. I have just been talking with a single mom on disability whose only child is soon to be 18. Lack of financial resources, a family who abandoned her, and a child to be responsible for provided intense concentration for at least the past 10 years, she told me. Now she is looking at what to do with the rest of her life. Turning 18 wasn’t a surprise. But somehow today it is feeling like a surprise to her. She knew what to do with her day in day out self for a long time. Now he doesn’t need her and she is without purpose. Bored, restless, dissatisfied, unfulfilled, trying desperately to find what is meaningful in life for her now.

Exactly. Over and over life changes bring us to a place of deciding what next? That can be an exciting challenge, learning process, and adventure. Equally it can be terrifying and feel impossible. This woman was stuck. She does not know where to turn. She does not know who can help her.

What do you do when you simply don’t know what to do next? Who do you ask?

In my experience that is where mindfulness and meditation come in. Our intuition, our inner self, our deeper quiet spirit is filled with amazing wisdom. The quiet within becomes a guide. I sometimes call upon my angels: guide me, help me, listen to me, make suggestions. Listening calmly, without angst, trusting that it is true we actually do know all there is to know, is helpful. We actually do have all answers within us. When we allow for silence life begins to have meaning.  The slow times, the fast times, the happy times, the not so great times. All of that is what life is and it all deserves to be cherished.

Precious boring moments. Out of boredom can come a new idea, our soul’s plea for visibility urging us to create something new, a dream or vision not yet realized but forced to be born because nothing else is happening.

Treasure every moment. They all matter. Search for the gems in the gloom and silence. Light a candle, make a cup of tea, find music you haven’t listened to for years, write a letter, just sit and hum. That is who you are NOW and who you are NOW is perfect.

Always, you are perfect.

Forever Nancy

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