I have been thinking the last few days about aging, vulnerability and feeling fragile. My heart is giving me grief again and I find it discouraging. Yesterday I was frightened. Today sad and disappointed.
I think it is true for all of us, whatever our age may be, that when we feel vulnerable we tend to be discouraged. Life offers significant challenges each day, and add to that lack of energy and a mind that is focused on healing one’s own body and has little to give beyond self and you begin to wonder if you are slugging through quick sand or caught in a winter white out with black ice under your feet.
I have found that I can count on support beyond my four walls and that is a great comfort. I also know I can take excellent care of myself when I need to do that: I can cancel work, I can eat healthy, I can ask for help, I can sleep and cuddle with Aimee, when the fog lifts I can read. I have a naturopathic doctor who does wonders at all times of day and night. She does remote treatments to lower my blood pressure and regulate my heart rate…..and they work. It just takes some time.
I am sharing this with you this morning because I want to let those of you who feel sick, weak, discouraged, distressed, filled with dis-ease and tired of it all: it really is something we all face throughout our life time and it makes sense. We all live a challenging life. And no matter how much we prefer to use the word adventure instead of challenge, sometimes it is an adventure that feels exceedingly burdensome.
I am sorry.
It is true.
A dear friend sent me a flock of angels last night to help slow down my heart and sooth and comfort me. It felt lovely to hold that image close to my heart. Let it be okay to have to slow down, even stop sometimes. We push and struggle and try to perform and accomplish and work hard. Sometimes bed is the best place to stay for a while. Bed, where we can dream, call upon angels for guidance, meditate, sleep, and heal.
Forgive yourself for not being perfect all the time, as I am forgiving myself. Allow yourself to cancel, say no, pull inward, go away for a while. The animals hibernate in the winter. Sometimes we need to hibernate as well.
I know I am preparing to say good-bye to my life in Toronto. I know I am creating a new life in a country in distress. My body resonates with change, loss, sorrow, new, uncertainty, and potential adventure. Be philosophical about your malaise, whatever it might be. There is always a greater reason than the obvious. Go inward and search for meaning. Your body and mind will appreciate any understanding you can give it.
Gentle. Gentle. Trust your intuition and listen to your body and soul. That is what I am doing and with good results at that. I am preparing to move forward. In the meantime, I am stopping for a while. Stopping to contemplate, appreciate, integrate. A big job…..but it has to be done.
Hugs and love always, Nancy