“What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can no longer believe you.”
“Weak people can not be sincere.”
Duc de La Rochefoucauld
When there has been a rupture, when our trust has been betrayed, when we no longer know what to believe, our tendency is to back off or come out fighting! We know we are not safe. We do not know where the next betrayal will come from; the ground upon which we walk feels like it could easily begin to break apart and swallow us whole.
Rebuilding trust is a long, painful process that requires patience; sometimes years, maybe even generations. Lies have a long life span and do not provide a space for closeness and intimacy. In fact, lies fill the space for potential intimacy or trust with sticky, greasy pollution and fear and a desire to withhold or fight back. It is always safer to tell the truth and face the consequences then to take a chance and say what we think someone else would rather hear us say. We will pay the price at some point. Lies will be found out.
No one is invincible. Ultimately, no one can escape. Someone, someday will stop you. You can count on that.
I’m talking about partners, friends, family, business associates, political figures. If we let the story play itself out long enough it will have an ending. Very possibly not the ending we would prefer, but it will end. We might have to make ourselves visible in ways we would prefer not to; but with supporting each other; caring and mature clear thinking, we can stop being betrayed and begin to build our own lives in a new and fresh and hopeful manner.
I urge you to sit knee to knee, eye to eye, heart to heart with your beloved. Look deep into your beloved’s face and see them as a hurt little child. See that child…….playing, having a tantrum, running, trying to make life work as best they know how. And breathe.
Can you find it in your heart to hold your partner’s little tantrum throwing self tight against your chest and hear yourself mummer, there, there little one. Now you are safe.
An unsafe little kid can easily become a bully, can easily get out of control and need a whole family, or village, or country, or world to stop them. If we are the grown ups, it is our job to find parameters to contain the bullies, each in our own unique way.
Very likely, very soon, a bully will be sitting in the chair of the President of the United States. Together we must, each in our own particular way, stop him from destroying the country we love; the country we have trusted and where we have been able to find safe places for our families, the country we want to raise our children in and feel proud.
Hugs, love and blessings, Nancy
- I am grateful for the sanity in Canada
- I am grateful I have a mind of my own
- I am grateful I know how to love and be loved
- I am grateful for the 27 years I have lived in Toronto
- I am grateful for help with Aimee today as I am sitting in great concern about the future of the country of my birth
- I am grateful to be sharing a healthy lunch I prepared yesterday, with a friend today.