In Celebration of Not Being a Dummy

Ahhhh. Beautiful lush glorious autumn. Divine. Really. I am searching for the very right word that fits what I was feeling as Aimee and I took our morning walk. Colours are not yet at their peak. The light is changing in a magical mystical way. Sounds seems different, maybe because children are in school. Walking for 20 + years at the cemetery with either Sappho or Aimee each of the 4 seasons, is always a treat…..even when it is a struggle because of ice or wind or snow and has created for me a meditative time that frequently has sacred moments, often the entire hour. Divine fits for today’s celebration.

I am celebrating being brave, not being a dummy, moving forward, taking action, learning, growing, stretching, at last feeling grounded and safe.

Each significant event in my life that I have successfully navigated has left me feeling that next time, whatever the next challenging event might be, won’t be so difficult because I was successful this time and I know I can do it. I like the radio advertisement about ovarian cancer where the woman says she has lady balls. That’s what I feel like I have: the lady balls to use my resources to negotiate business that scared me.

I felt proud of myself after negotiating my way through a marriage, through 4 births, through a divorce, through a move from US to Canada, through my heart issues, through Clo’s death, and NOW I have got myself in safe position to sell my Toronto home and all is in order for beginning to build my Michigan home. This part of the job completed.

I am celebrating with a second cup of coffee this morning. NEVER do I even finish the first one. Big deal, going for cup number two.

Life brings us hard things to do and actually I have learned that the hard is good for me. I feel stronger and better about myself each time I reach my goal. I anguish, tremble, ask for help, stutter and stumble, but I DO get there. I know you do as well. Together we can stumble our way to the top of the hill of life. The view is spectacular up there. At the top of the hill of life we can see all that is, all there is to see, past, present and future. It is empowering, renewing, refreshing, and can be filled with joy. And a glance over the terrain when standing arms outstretched at the top of the hill of life assures us that we can absolutely complete the next task that comes to hand. Life can be delightfully divine, even if only a few days previously it definitely looked horribly insurmountable.

My heartfelt thanks to all those who helped me through this past week. I like being on this side of the week better than being on the other. Here I understand so much more, realize how fortunate I am in all kinds of resources, and after a bit of a rest and some time for integration know I will feel better prepared for whatever next comes my way.

Hugs and love to all, Nancy


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