As I more and more realize I am not only not getting younger, but really actually am getting older, I become concerned about being vulnerable. Particularly vulnerable physically/energetically. What once was simply another thing one did in their day, often times now becomes the one thing I am able to do in my day: go out to Queen St. to buy a pair of shoes, arrive at my dentist appointment on time, get groceries, make several phone calls, see clients, take care of Aimee. There have been times I could have done all of those things in one day. Now it becomes more like a week. One thing each day, rejoice if 3 things get accomplished, my my what a delightful surprise/gift.
I absolutely believe we have NO idea how much energy it takes to make phones calls, talk to neighbours, address issues with insurance people, talk to one’s financial people, google houses for sale in Michigan….on and on; until one is directly facing that need. Add humidity, and I am over the top. Thank you dear goddess for little to no humidity these glorious days and nights. What I am learning to do is forgive myself. I forgive myself for doing less than I wish I could do, less than I want to do, less than I long to be able to do. I forgive myself for breaking my toe which causes me to walk so my knee hurts, which put pressure on my hip which helps me feel way closer to 107 than 80. I forgive myself for being human and unable to do everything I would wish I would be able to do.
Does being 80 really have to mean taking more naps? Sitting and thinking frequently? Saying no when you want to say yes but know you will eventually have to cancel if you don’t set a limit right now? I do know that being any age at all requires honesty, open eyes to see what is true and real, sacrifices, wisdom. I do believe we are all way too hard on ourselves and expect a lot out of self and each other. I want to say to you: trust yourself and trust your beloved. Trust that you are doing the best you know how at the moment. In another moment you may know more or other. But right now, this is what you can do. No more. Just this….whatever this might be.
My love goes out to all of us who are struggling, trying, being valiant troopers and doing life with integrity and good intent. Celebrate being you! Celebrate what you HAVE done and what you ARE doing and forgive what you wish you hadn’t done or are not able to do at this moment. Every moment is precious and mindfully do every moment with pizzazz and love. That is the best any of us can do. And that is a very good thing.
Hugs and love always, intentionally forgive yourself and others, let there be peace in your world. Nancy