It’s raining. Blessed be!! My heart says thank you, thank you. The humidity makes my poor heart work too hard and exhausts me. I rest, rest, and rest some more. My marvellous cardiologist said, learn to live with it Nancy……or take medication that you are actually allergic to. Well, I am learning. Mostly what I have to do is forgive myself for being weak. Seems like everyone dances around me with glee and pizzazz, and I crawl from here to there and think…..I’m learning as fast as I know how to do.
Isn’t that just the truth for all of us. We learn just as fast as we know how to do. Life is one big learning experience after another. I tend toward anxiety, and I was thinking the other day that I just feel so anxious so much of the time. Why, I asked myself, is life so stressful? Then I reminded myself that life is what it is. If I chose to call that stress, so be it. But it actually is life being itself. Always there is a challenge, there is change, something is going on. Nothing ever stays the same for long. Nor would we want it to. But for change we would be so very bored. We would not grow or learn and find new and exciting parts of ourselves.
I am finding my adventurous self. I knew her long ago. I knew her when I moved to Toronto almost 30 years ago. But adventurous Nancy stepped aside somewhere over the years and careful, cautious, watchful, thinking, noticing, Nancy stepped into her place. Time to shed caution and claim power. I am absolutely powerful enough to live the last 20 or 30 years of my life with spirit, grace, delight, movement, balance, and love for myself and many many others. Love. How wonderful. To feel loved. To give love. To know love abounds in my world and can in the world for anyone who will welcome it. Welcome love. It is good for your heart and soul. It puts a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye. Loving is a good thing.
My experience is that as I age I am more aware of my vulnerability. Particularly as a single woman, I seem to have mostly myself to answer to as well as to listen to. Myself tells myself we don’t know how to do this…..whatever. There doesn’t seem to be anyone saying, oh ho, yes indeed we do know how. Just think. Just stop and be quiet for a minute and remember what you know. You know how to do everything. You just forgot there for a moment.
Youth thinks it knows everything. Age fears it has forgotten too much. Age needs to remember to be bold. Age needs to stop thinking we know so much more than youth, and listen to what our younger self knew so well: life is a journey and we are always helped and supported from the known and the unknown. Trust your smarts. Because you sure as heck have plenty of smarts, or you wouldn’t have gotten as far as you have gotten.
That’s just it. One important thing we forget as we age is how smart we were to make it through challenge after challenge all those years. That same self is still who we are, at 20 or at 80. Stop fuzzing your brain, Nancy and step into life fully. You are fully able to be powerful and strong and wise and happy whatever your age might be. Celebrate 35 or 75 or 95. Each age has it’s journey and it’s joy. My 96 year old friend spends many delighted hours watching the sky and the clouds and the birds and the water outside her window. She takes in each moment and makes it hers. She smiles and she nods and she shares her heart when she wants to do that. Her very presence is powerful. I love her so much.
So much to share about aging. Plenty of time to do that sharing. Right now my aging self wants to prepare for clients, so I will say have a good night and we can talk at a later time. Hugs and love, always Nancy