August 19, 2016


“I can’t help people by damaging myself. In fact, if it is beginning to destroy me, I can be confident it’s not helping them.”

Hugh Prather in his delightful gem from long ago: Notes to Myself


So well put in so few words. I see couples far too often who are miserable and only continue to believe the other is making them miserable. This multiplies itself. We create misery for each other and simply slide down a slippery slope into gunk and muck. No one flourishes when we simply keep hurting, wounding, damaging ourselves and someone else as well.

A while back I was in a friendship that felt lovely from time to time. But inevitably one of us said something that hurt the other. Time and time again we went round and round that awful cycle. Once we started saying hurtful things and once we started feeling hurt and miserable we seemed unable to stop ourselves. It took a cruel cut of a sharp knife to end our repeated damage to ourselves and to the other. We knew no other way to stop feeling vulnerable, responsible for the misery, while as well believing  the other to not step up to they plate as they would have like to have happen.

Stop! Stop doing it to yourself. Whatever it is you are doing, if it feels like you are being destroyed, cruelly, meanly destroyed, firmly, with tough love, refuse to participate. You are not helping the other nor are you doing anything good for yourself. Time to feel the emptiness of the loss, mindfully begin your healing process, and look toward a new sunrise.


  • I am grateful for the many healthy friends I have in two countries
  • I am grateful for a mind that is self searching and a heart that is willing
  • to accept responsibility and take tough steps when needed
  • I am grateful for a lovely cool breeze this August summer morning
  • I am grateful Aimee is going to take me for a walk soon
  • I am grateful for several lovely nights of dreaming sleep, albeit I do not remember any of them.

Have a good summer Friday, and a fun filled weekend. Nancy


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