Today is the anniversary of Clo’s birth. I sit in her garden and listen to the fountain. I notice that I have taken away many of her flowers and plants. There are open spaces. I have added flowers of my own. Some of which are thriving. Others are not. I will do it differently next year. Clo would be fine with my learning process……happy that I want to learn. Oh, very happy that I would want to learn. She would go out and buy a book for me if she though I REALLY wanted to learn!
I sit in a yard chair that I bought new cushions for and listen……and wait…..and wonder……Might she visit me. Might I feel her presence?
Maybe. If so, she would feel very young and I would feel very shy. I don’t know who she is now. She has had 3 years to become new. To become other than I have known her to be. I expect she knows very well who I have become. I think she has been looking over me and looking out for me……looking out for me, as in looking ahead to see if the space is clear and I will be safe. Maybe so.
I imagine her bending down close to the ground and looking over the fountain. I see her young woman face, her eyes kind and her skin smooth and her hair flaming red and so very curly. She smiles at me and I know she cares. She knows I have so much more to learn. Still. Still I must learn. Mostly I must learn to trust…..in myself……in a life that is meant to be and does in fact have meaning.
I slept and rested well last night. I am ready for today to give me whatever gifts it might have on the ready for me. I am open to receive. I can only give love, gentleness, soft eyes. I can not give doing or concrete. I can share my faith that there is love in the world for everyone. I can share my hope and belief that ultimately we are all safe. I can share my knowing that we are simultaneously alone, on our own, while also being connected to the whole, to everything, the God energy, the Goddess light and love.
We are equally held and abandoned.
How can that be?
Can you feel the gentle caress of the summer breeze holding you, soft on your skin, wrapping around you and loving you……only you. You are alone, while being held. I am alone, yet you hold me.
The water in the fountain connects my listening, my ear self to beyond my worry self. The air, the water, the inviting blanket of the every lasting sky, comforting, always there, welcoming, never failing, even when angry and furious and blustering. Still there. The ever lasting sky does not abandon.
I am alone. I am with all that is. I have found peace in these moments and know I will find peace again, just as I know I will loose the knowing of peace. It always goes. Life always goes on. Someone will always take another breath.
At this very moment I am full of love for me and for you.