I suspect because we are headed into a long holiday weekend and I make up families are together…..I find I am exquisitely in touch with how we are each of us always ultimately alone. It is a full, rich, marvellous, amazing journey we are all on and bottom line we are on it all by ourselves. We can imagine, hope, dream, want it to be otherwise, see those who love us side by our side, know we are loved, wanted, precious….and we ultimately face whatever mystery is in store for us as our road continues to open before us and close behind us, all by ourselves. No lover, no partner, no child, no friend, no soul mate, no parent, no well-intentioned and caring person can take away our pain, make our lives less frightening, change the end result,……and
Love helps. Knowing you are in my life does make it easier. Knowing I am special to others lessens the fear; hopefully holding close for you, the memory of your many blessed years with Bud, remembering and honouring my life with Clo, helps. It gives balance to the unknown. Knowing what I know of what has been and what is, makes what I don’t know a titch easier to bare. Remembering that I still have much to learn, that I have not yet remembered all I once knew; feeling the sun, hearing my water fountain, thinking of life as I have created it for myself these days, gives me something to hang onto and helps me live in this moment, this moment, this moment, with less fear.
As I embrace the hushed energy, like holding its breath and waiting…..like open to possibility and change, the hushed energy of a country preparing for a national holiday of play, water, exploration, celebration, delight, joy, total diversion from every day work, I prepare myself for a holy sense of isolation that can be healing and renewing or painful and frightening. I get to choose.
I am choosing to embrace this mystical moment and breath deeply and rejoice that I am alive.
Love to you my dear Mary as you welcome your precious son and grandson for a summer on the beach and love to all celebrants of summer, easy freedom, possible love, certainly hope……Nancy