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Dream or Nightmare? Do I Have to Choose?

Are you living your dream? Is your life unfolding as you thought/ hoped it would? Are you able to take the knocks, the stubbed toes, the bloody noses, the wallop over the head that life in wont to bring us all way too often?

Do you feel like you are standing on your own solid ground and in charge of your life?

Huge questions! On the one hand NO, not at all….not one bit…..not even a tiny little bit. But…..I challenge you….look again. What would you change if you really could do that?

So. Why don’t you make those changes then?

Maybe what has happened is you are living someone else’s dream. Maybe you lost your grip somewhere along the way and climbed right into, gave yourself a leg up, pulled you into someone else’s plan or vision or hope for their life. And oh my! Surprise! Here I am right smack dab in the middle of someone else’s dream and it actually feels like a nightmare to me.

If you are not living your dream I challenge you to ask yourself why, and to ask yourself what you can do to change that. All too often I think we lose track of ourselves and accommodate someone else, often in the name of what we are calling love or keeping the peace, or negotiating because isn’t that what you are supposed to do in life?

Negotiating means no one gets what they want. Right? I give a little, you give a little, we end up with something unrecognizable by either of us and both questioning, Who asked for that? It takes courage to make yourself stay true to yourself. And it takes wisdom, creativity, love, generosity, to stay true to yourself and not turn your back on someone who loves you.

Can you do that: be you, living your dream, alive, pleased, satisfied, filled to the brim with the joy of your choices; while still be available and present, a contributing and satisfying person? If not, why not? If so, is anybody getting lost in this arrangement? Is it possible to live your dream without someone getting hurt or left out or disappointed?

Too many questions. Not enough answers. But I am wanting to do some thinking about this. As a widow of 3 years, I am learning  ways in which I left myself and my dream behind. We are catching up with each other now, my dreams and me, and I find myself wondering if I had to become a widow for me to be myself.

If that is true, maybe we need to find new ways to relate. I deserve to live my dream, not be judged as selfish, and have loving relationships and connection with others who are living their dreams as well.

At the very least, that takes maturity. Also, I think it takes generosity, transparency, courage, vulnerability, and probably more, but that is what comes to mind at the moment. This is a topic of great interest to me and which I will be exploring further. Please write to me with your ideas.

Can we have it all……my dream, your dream and our dream…..or is that impossible and somebody inevitably has to pay a price, give precious parts of themselves away, and step out of their dream……into what eventually may very well become a nightmare.

I’m asking


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