I have a miserable head cold that wants to move into my chest. I am a firm believer that when my body begins to fight with me there is an important message available, if only I can find it!
I am waiting……
I suspect the message has to be about being realistic about what aging means for me.
Over Easter weekend I visited 4 what I thought would be retirement communities with lots to do and people to met and friends to make. Classes, book clubs, movie clubs, outings, music, all sorts of things I was dreaming about.
I think such a place exists. But we did not visit those on the weekend. Where we went I hope to not have to go.
I know that saddens me a lot. It saddens me that others are there. It saddens me that I might have to make a decision at some point to leave my blessed home. It delights me, on the other hand, to know I absolutely do not have and actually it would not be smart for me to be leaving my blessed home now, or for a long while to come.
I am going to visit, at some point, one of the truly acceptable options available in our city. But right now, I am staying in my lovely home, with my loving puppy and reading a book, writing in my blog, and thinking about people who might be needing friends.
My hope is the new web site will be up soon. It has taken about 6 months longer than I had expected for a variety of reasons. Some certainly of which are about my speed or lack thereof. On this new web I am welcoming dialogue around my blog as well as my Almost Daily Missal from Nancy: Quote, Thoughts, Gratitude’s. I also am going to start a pen pal group. People who can’t get out for whatever reason but want to connect, can email me and I will respond. I am thinking about an Book Club as well. We will read a book and email our thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes, surprises, loves.
All of this wonderful energy I am generating keeps me loving my home and my life. I am also newly attending the Neighbourhood Unitarian Universal Church and that gives me great pleasure, connection, and hope. Weekly meditation is bringing me peace and a new friend.
I think this cold is a kind of grieving and ending to life as it has been these last almost 3 years since Clo died and preparing the way for new, loving, exciting possibilities. Out of the ashes comes the Phoenix. I have on the wall in my bedroom a marvellous picture painted by my dear friend Mary in Kalamazoo. I call it my Phoenix Raising. It is in shades of purple, lilac, lavender, blue gray, blue violet. Magnificent. The huge lovely bird coming out of the ashes is clear and surreal. I like it a lot.
I celebrate new, whatever that may look like, as I cough and sneeze the old out of my life.
And I find myself dearly wanting to say, turn to your beloved and hold each other tight. Look with new gentle eyes on the special person in your life with whom you share the good and the tough. Be super tender with yourself and your partner. Life moves swiftly. All is good. And times without one’s love is different, poignant. Now is to be celebrated. The past is to be remember. Make wonderful glorious memories together. They really are sustaining.
Hugs and love, in memory of precious moments, Nancy