Having compassion for self has been a theme of mine for a few days now. I think about the relevance of that concept as Valentine’s Day looms…….in all of is glory, fun, hope, and potential for disappointment. If there is already distance or disappointment between you and your beloved, of if you do not have a beloved, the opportunity for feeling like a looser, for getting your feelings hurt, for being angry, or sad, or even shamed looms.
This really is a time to remind yourself that you are ultimately the master of your feelings. You really can choose to feel bad if you don’t receive a love letter or a love gift or a love hug. Or…… you can take matters into your own hands and treat yourself. Anything else you might or might not get is frosting on the brownies.They are perfectly good without frosting, anyway.
I bought myself some flowering plants that have lovely fragrance: hyacinths and jasmine. Lovely. I plan to get a fresh bouquet for myself on Saturday. Just because I actually do love me. I can feel that love growing over the last while. I am learning to have compassion for myself. And to forgive myself for not being perfect.
Try it. You might like it!!
Everyday I remind myself about something I like about me or something I have accomplished or said or done that I feel good about. If I can’t think of anything, I make it up…..as in get busy, find something that would be nice to do and do it right then.
Everyday I write a list of things I am grateful for. And on the days I can’t think of anything, again, I make it up: I am grateful for a hot cup of tea. I am grateful for white snow to cover dark dreary concrete. I am grateful I cooked myself a nice meal Nothing big at all. But true. And actually, if I think about it, the white snow is a bit of a relief from the dreary nothing of the last while.
Ideas for something to do to treat yourself with compassion if you are feeling weary of all those who have loves who are doing it for them: first off, very few people are REALLY getting what they really want to be getting on Valentine’s Day. We just make up that everybody else is getting great stuff and we are not.
Next, buy yourself some extra wonderful chocolate or an almond croissant at the excellent French patisserie on Danforth Ave.
Take a fragrant, bubbly, hot bath with New Age music and the drink of your choice. Mine would be Prosecco.
Take yourself for a wonderful walk in High Park.
Write a poem.
Create a story about your out door Valentine’s Day adventure.
Stay in your jammies all day and read, or write, or paint, or sleep, or stare out the window
Borrow a friend’s puppy and take a nap with the puppy on your tummy
Borrow a friend’s child and go to a movie and out for ice cream
Go out for ice cream with yourself. You really are good company, you know.
You think of some stuff that actually you might like to do, it would shift your doldrums, and would be a change from same old same old 6’s and 7’s.
Love yourself. You deserve it. You have made it through life up to now. You can make it another year, 5 years, 25 years. You know how to do it. Have compassion for the courage it takes to be you. Allow yourself the freedom of being pissed if life isn’t quite like you would have wished. And at the same time, have a little smile because in your deepest of hearts you know there is gold to be found………you came here in this time and place to find that gold. I believe there are always golden possibilities waiting for us to find them. We loose track because those opportunities are hard work to drudge up and discover. It gets tiresome.
Give yourself lots of credit for chugging on. As I have said before, I sometimes see myself as a brave little soldier. I see myself wearing fatigues, big heavy boots, carrying a heavy back pack on my shoulders and trudging up the mountains looking for the gold that surely must be hidden there somewhere. Someday I WILL find that gold if I keep on being creative and trusting myself and my wisdom.
Hugs and love, Nancy