Making self changes takes a long time. Sometimes it takes years. The brutal truth is, our entire life time is about changing, learning, seeing self as new or different.
Once I was a naive young girl and then a very uncertain young wife and then a very serious young mother…..Later I became a graduate student, a new employee, a single mother, a professional woman who cared for herself, and finally a loving, doting, grandmother. All good. Many challenges. Much learning, laughter, joy, many tears, fears and uncertainties.
Now I am aging and determined to do it with panache, hopefully with a bit of grace, and always with an honest eye toward who I really am and what my responsibilities, talents, and desires that propel me forward or hold me back might look like.
At the moment it feels very like I am shrugging off an old, heavy, dark, long, very much too big, worn out, well used, no longer needed, winter coat and searching to find what my next coat might look like. Sometimes I think it will be a stylish red wool, or better yet, a gorgeous purple satin. Other times I wonder if it might not be a short green pea coat from WW II, or possibly a light weight linen that goes with everything and feels easy and comfortable, even familiar.
What I know for certain about my new coat is that it will be light weight and feel weird for awhile. I have been trying it off and on for a few years and more and more it looks familiar and exactly right for me. I am finding peace, harmony, grace, dignity, and hope in this new coat. Largely my new coat signifies end of calling myself a psychotherapist and totally taking on the clothes and attitude and joy of being a couple and family consultant. What that means in reality is that I continue to do what I have been doing for 5 years or more and call it what it is and not pretend it is something other than what it is. For 30 + years I was a psychotherapist, psychodramatist, Gestalt therapist, couples therapist, all doing deep, long term, crucial, loving, satisfying, difficult clinical work.
I have not for the last several years worked with clients long term. Nor have I done regressive work, nor do I give a diagnosis. I design each day to suit me and each client. I adjust, shift, offer, back off, move forward. I write. My new coat is the coat of a blogger and the writer of a daily message to those who want that from me. I also consult with couples and families with adult children as the holder of hope for peace and harmony, as their guide and facilitator and teacher. Consultant. We work together and they consult with me. I teach, offer suggestions, hold the hope and am available when crisis erupts or celebration is in order.
I love the me that consults, co creates, has interesting and hopefully useful suggestions and ideas. I love to help families and couples think out of the box. “let’s see what we together can find that feels right and good and may not look like what you came into my office thinking you were going to take home with you……” I offer time and space and helpful thought to find a way for everyone to embrace what we design together in my sacred space.
My heart welcomes, my coat changes, my mind is settled and at peace. Here we go: acknowledging the adventure and changes I have been incorporating for a long while. Embracing a new sense of self and the gifts I have on offer.
I no longer identify as a psychotherapist who does long term therapy and dives deeply into the black hole of the anguish of childhood; instead, I consult, consider, suggest, teach and hold the container of hope that together we will find a way for us to be focused as we discover new ways of healing for each couple or each family with whom I share years of wisdom, training, experience, doing my own personal work; while loving what I am doing
Welcome into my new coat world. It feels light, fresh, colourful, interesting, safe, helpful, warm, and it fits me well. My heart is open to sharing it with you.