Beautiful, brilliant, valiant, alive, warm, loving, kind, generous, fun loving, playful, soulful, thoughtful, lovely, wonderful, special, ordinary, spectacular, on and on. All words to describe 17 year old Taylor who died March 25 at 2 am.
I’m trying to understand the meaning of suffering. I have lived life believing the meaning of life is learning to give love and learning to receive love. I believe it is important to live with positive thinking and feeling. I have believed myself to be responsible for negative things that happen to me. I try to not make that feel or look like I am blaming myself. Instead I want to see myself as having some control or power over what comes into my life as well as what does not come into my life.
We have all had life defining moments when nothing will ever be the same. Often times for many people and for the people we love. Sometimes for the people for whom we are responsible.
You know you are in the middle of a Post-Traumatic Stress episode when absolutely everything feels bigger than life. You feel unmanageably anxious, scared and sad and you know you have too little left to give emotionally to face any job currently being required of you. When an otherwise ordinary task feels impossible and you feel paralyzed or frozen and you can’t make your body respond to your mind’s requests, you are being given a head’s up that something is going on emotionally. Your body, heart, and soul are trying to tell you something.