I want you to be kind and gentle with yourself. I have talked about compassion in the past. I attended an all day workshop some time ago on the Mind, Brain, Buddha, and Compassion and what I most remember is the presenter saying we are all so very hard on ourselves when what we need and deserve is gentleness and compassion for ourselves. Soft heart and soft eyes for the truth that we all need and deserve to feel loved and safe. And often times, we do not feel either. It makes sense when we weep for our world and I hope we remember to include ourselves.
I know I have said this before, but this time I really mean it, I get it! I get that addiction to someone else is not particularly healthy AND I get the reluctance to let go even when it is clear it is not wise to hang on. I get the longing for intimate connection, for the morning call and the evening good night. I get the desire to feel held and to feel safe and wanted. I have a very dear friend of 40 years or more who has been widowed for 15 years.
As a relationship therapist who was once married, once divorced, again committed, twice widowed, is of a certain age and intends to remain single, I have a great deal of soul searching that needs to be done. I am at a time in my life when I can harvest the garden of a life of trying, struggling, succeeding, failing, trying again, feeling triumphant and delighted, disappointed, hurt and sad, refreshed, replenished and renewed.
Time is an interesting thing. It feels like we celebrated the millennial New Year’s Eve just yesterday. Clients thank me for many years of work when it feels like it has only been months; last year there were moments when to me it felt like I was wasting the precious gift of time and accomplishing not much of anything that had value or depth.