Filled with Awe and Honour

I often write in the midst of angst or pain, always in the depth of feeling. Sometimes I wonder if I am channelling. My soul self is open and receiving. My heart self is offering love.

Today I write while in the midst of awe and honour. Always I feel the blessedness of the work I am allowed to do with the clients who choose me. I feel our united energies call to each other and I am repeatedly pleased when we find one another.

Recently I was honoured and blessed to join a couple of age as they grieved the loss of life as they have known it and face a life of vulnerability sooner than anticipated. So often that happens. So often we are able to do life well and walk into aging with grace. And then….boom….something catapults us into a place of perceived weakness and unexpected fragility. It is enough when that happens to one person. It is a whole other challenge when in relationship it happens to both of you. We learn to care for each other. We learn to accept our own limitations, and we watch our partner as pain and despair move in and take over.

Clearly I am talking about aging, about illness, about loss, surprises, death, accidents….anything that forces us to reexamine who we are and how we differently impact or no longer impact the world around us. My work provides a container of reason for me: a reason to thrive, a reason to feel pleased and that I have gifts to offer, a reason to look forward to each day and to look back at end of day and feel satisfied. When those reasons are taken away, or we give them away via retirement, it is essential that we find equally satisfying ways to use our precious time. When all that is unexpectedly striped away we can be filled with grief and fear.

What do we do when our partner of a life time gets very ill? I know what I did: I fell back out of myself and redirected my energy and focus into how to do this unwanted turn in life.

What do we do when all stimulation, satisfaction, happiness feels cruelly taken away and we no longer know where we fit and belong? I think we panic, go into grief mode, sleep, unfairly diagnose ourselves as depressed, and as in the case of a dear friend left single far sooner and far longer than she had hoped, accept less and other than we truly deserve and desire.

Oh pain, oh sorrow, oh deeply troubling times. This is when we grow. These tough times are when we begin to learn more and more about ourselves and our loved ones. Out of chaos comes change. Out of pain and sorrow comes hope. Out of facing our suffering comes growth and a whole new set of options.

Let me help you live in your pain until you are ready to leave it. Let me help you find what is normal in what you are feeling and how you are living. Let us together figuratively hold hands and hold the spiritual space where we can find compassion for ourselves and for one another.

The space I am in at the moment is sacred, blessed, and deep. It is a place of spiritual healing and remembering what we have always known but forget when life gets in the way. It could be called a place of love, of peace, of hope, of daring, even innocence or ignorance. I can’t name it, but I can feel it and I can share that space with you and your partner if you want me to do that. The couple I have mentioned trusted me to help hold and guide them as they transitioned from their own home of 35 years into a retirement home. The people who live here are old, Nancy, they said. I know I told them. And so are you and I. Together we can learn to love this new home just as we loved the one before. Together we can do anything at all that we decide to do. Let me hold your hand.

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