Being single has its upside and its downside: I get to make all of my own decisions, that is the good news; I HAVE to make all of my own decisions, that is the not always such good news. Clo brought out the best in me. I would intentionally be my nicest, neatest, most caring, wisest, most helpful self so I would be seen in high regard by her. I still try to be all those things. Mostly I think I succeed, but I have to do it just for myself and sometimes I just get tired of it all. It does often help to have someone close to receive our good intentions.
Written by my dear friend Liz White in Aug. 2014, about the death of her son David in the mid 1990’s
I’ve just spent a beautiful week in Italy in a villa at the top of a mountain, overlooking miles and miles of green; tiny villages, hills, valleys, and winding roads spread out before me like a picture post card come to life. Every day the sky was a brilliant blue and though sometimes it threatened to rain, it never actually did rain on us.
My very dear friend and colleague of 25 years died a week ago. She was my friend, mentor, role model, chosen sister and professional confidant. She made mistakes and owned them. She knew how to show her love and had a heart big enough to love the world. She loved me and I felt gifted. The space she leaves empty I don’t even want to fill. I want her always in that place of especially high regard. Her name is Liz.
I often write in the midst of angst or pain, always in the depth of feeling. Sometimes I wonder if I am channelling. My soul self is open and receiving. My heart self is offering love.
We all feel safer when we feel an emotional, spiritual and intellectual connection to someone or something we trust. Often times that someone is a life partner, sometimes a best friend. The something to trust in can be a religion, a spiritual guide, a career or profession, a pet, a vocation like art or music or dance or writing, a passion for a collection i.e. coins, stamps, crystals, antiques.……. all suggestions, you add what works for you.
The sound of peace: I’m sitting at my lovely antique desk in my comforting Concord grape coloured office with the reflections of fairy rainbows on the walls from the morning sun shining through windows with crystals hanging on the glass. I can hear the fountain Clo made out of a large rock several years ago through the open window to my lovely back yard.
It has been a year of change, loss, pain, much learning, grief, joy, awe, love, friendship, mystery, magnificence, growth, astonishing awareness…….so much more even.
It is totally magnificent and always changing outdoors these days. Sometimes the sun smiles, blue sky looks like blueberries snuggled in the palm of my hand, sometimes the air is chilly, then it rains off and on, and then sun again! I see it as being much like relationships: lovely, loving, playful, smooth, tough, tense, noisy, quiet, hard, smiling, hugs, and lovely once again.
I have talked before about how relationships and weather follow similar patterns and seasons. I think there are seasons of a relationship. We have lovely, sunny, warm, bright, and encouraging days of spring after long, dark, difficult, cold periods of winter. Your heart feels big and open and absolutely hopeful in the spring time as trees begin to bud and tiny crocuses poke yellow heads above still almost frozen ground…