Lovely to Behold

I remember from long ago, early marriage, no children, my husband and I were in the Army in Missouri.

I remember waking one morning to a magnificent fairy land of ice crystals dripping and clinging like diamonds over bushes, tress, and land. It was lovely to behold.

Scary to be in. But lovely to look at.

Maybe that is a metaphor for me to consider right now: it has been scary to be in the feeling place I have been in for the last while. And really is beautiful to look back at how well I managed to get through it all, how wonderfully friends and family reached and are still reaching out, how loved I am, how much I treasure each moment of this world and this life.

I keep looking for Clo and I strongly suspect she is there beside me all the time. I feel it. Maybe it scared me. Maybe that was a part, quite possibly even a big part, of my angst. Still to be processed, pondered, thought about and dreamed and slept through. This is my type of meditation.

It didn’t quite do the job I needed to- turning myself over to the colleague for the purpose of helping me get our psychic cords untangled so I didn’t join Clo in death. But what did work was a karmic cord cutting exercise I did at the suggestion of a shaman and healer who has been a friend of mine for many years. It was very simple. I quietened myself and went deep inside. Three times I repeated the phrase,” I cut the karmic cord between us and free you to go on to your life and free me to complete mine.” I was surprised and gratified that I soon felt relief and peace. The energetic pull for the core of my being relaxed and I left the fog I was drifting in and felt myself land back on solid ground at last.

My refrigerator is full. My house looks like Christmas. I have done what I am doing for gifts. I think that all is well.

I wish Clo were here. But her body isn’t. She would be out tackling the icy side walk right now and clearing off the car. Bless her. She is missed. I am beginning to let myself feel her presence again, I think.

Family is safely on their way. I am going to warm my coffee and listen to Christmas music and make quinoa salad. Blessings, peace, and love.

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