Clo died June 15, 2013. Three times between then and now, I have slid down the slippery slope of depression, fear, grief and loss of hope, which is what depression, fear and grief all add up to: loss of hope. I felt throughout my entire body, soul, heart, spirit, and mind that I was shutting down and leaving. I felt so pained and frightened that the belief that I could find comfort and peace in the world beyond now literally pulled me away from life and into what I thought would be relief and peace. I allowed myself on 3 different occasions to give up and to give myself over to the medical system. What I thought I was doing was giving myself over to another place that I didn’t understand but hoped would hold me. I thought I meant death.