I remember from long ago, early marriage, no children, my husband and I were in the Army in Missouri.
At least get dressed and have a cup of fresh hot strong coffee! There, that’s a good start. Now take your pills and supplements, then make your bed and check email. Remember to brush your teeth. Your friends will appreciate that.
Clo died June 15, 2013. Three times between then and now, I have slid down the slippery slope of depression, fear, grief and loss of hope, which is what depression, fear and grief all add up to: loss of hope. I felt throughout my entire body, soul, heart, spirit, and mind that I was shutting down and leaving. I felt so pained and frightened that the belief that I could find comfort and peace in the world beyond now literally pulled me away from life and into what I thought would be relief and peace. I allowed myself on 3 different occasions to give up and to give myself over to the medical system. What I thought I was doing was giving myself over to another place that I didn’t understand but hoped would hold me. I thought I meant death.
Loss changes everything. Death has put my world on a tilt. Nothing is grounded or standing where it belongs. Life feels wobbly and sometimes very blurry.
I have a very dear and long-time friend from Victoria. Her gifts are myriad and profound. She is a creative, spiritual, deep thinking and always learning soul who is grounded and available, full of rich love, hope, desire…..I have no more words for her at the moment. And she gave me what I so badly needed with her time and wisdom. I better understand my grieving process, the healing I have already accomplished, and my preparing absolutely for new to enter my life.