Clo said her dilemma is to figure out how to simultaneously live life fully while preparing for death. When I heard her say that, my heart ached and I longed to help her. As I write it now, I am struck by the truth that we are all always in that very exact dilemma. We must all prepare in some way for the truth that our existence will change shape, form and purpose. At the same time, we must go fully out into the world and fill our soul with joy and life. That is Clo’s challenge right now: to fill herself full of joy and life. I so can see how difficult that is to do when one is sad and heavy emotionally and tired and in pain physically. Where is the joy in that?
Sad news, though not unexpected. The oncologist today emphasized that Clo has advanced cancer and we should plan the next while accordingly. He said something after that, but I forget! It had to do with having some fun and doing the things you’ve always dreamed of but maybe going back to Europe is not for this life time. He said none of us get to do all we hope to do. He did not say how long to anticipate “the next while” to be. We are both sad. Clo is sleeping now. I already slept for a while.