I am tired but I am not as filled with dread as I have been so many times when my heart was scaring me. What is being done to Clo’s body is horrific. I am so very, very sorry. I try to share some of the load as best I am able, but there really is no, or at least very little, sharing that can be done. She always knows she is filled with cancer. She realizes the extent, and mostly she focuses on something else. She told me today if she wakes up at night feeling alone and frightened, she will wake me. I am glad.
I AM HAPPY! How can that be true? And yet, it IS true. In another moment, or another day, that may change but now, I am happy and it is important to take the time to celebrate that. Clo and I planned a trip to France. I was sick when we decided to go. I was not at all sure I wanted to go. I froze when I got there and then became even sicker. The memory of this trip will always be clouded by illness, though we did manage to have a good time despite our respective sicknesses. Clo was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer just 11 days after we returned to Canada. It makes sense she was less than fully herself during our trip to France. Since coming home a LOT has happened.
Once upon a time there was a little girl who played with the fairies and elves underneath her mother’s beautiful antique dining room table, with a white linen cloth covering the table and providing quiet space for the adventures below. Sometimes she preferred to go out in the back yard and play under pear trees and plum trees her mother had long ago planted. She found the perfect place for reflection, adventure, imagination, meditation, time out, whatever name it might be called by others. For her it was, “Being with My People.”