Snapping Is a Poor Choice If You Really Want Connection and Intimacy

Summer is beginning. We still have July and August to look forward to. Personally, I am not a huge fan of the heat and humidity, so I have to start thinking ahead about how I can stay cool. Like: lots of time in air conditioning, lots of showers, meditating in my lovely back yard that is wonderfully shaded by a huge and ancient oak tree, drinking iced tea, iced coffee (my own particular favourite) or lemon water or the occasional beer.

Not so bad. I can handle that. My theme continues to be about aging: The joys and pleasures, and the hard parts. I find aging and the heat and humidity and pollution are not a pretty combination. One just exacerbates the other. I don’t want to accept that it is inevitable that I am slowing down as I get older. The truth is, I have always been slow enough by far. Slower means a whole lot more reading, and then I find I get tired of reading. I want to create a soft, gentle, easy flow throughout the day. No rushes, but steady doing with time out to sit and think or dream, and then slip gently back into living a full and busy life.

I encourage us all to find creative ways to slow down. Age may force that upon us. But the truth is taking time to listen and see, taking time to feel and smell, taking time to dream and hope, are all important whatever our age. I think it just took me getting a bit older to really understand the importance of a balance between doing and being. Summer heat reminds me to listen to my body. My body tells me, when the heat forces me to notice, that life does not have to be chaotic all of the time. Out of chaos comes change. However, it doesn’t have to take chaos to create change. Listening quietly to our inner voice can welcome change as well.

The one thing I love doing above all else is working with couples. Couples who are in distress, who are ending their relationship if help doesn’t arrive quickly, and couples who are new to each other and want to be conscious about their choices and decisions, this time around. Even when the pain is obvious and the hope is faltering, the work is gentle. We all want to be held, seen, comforted, understood and most of all, safe. Gently, with those who are patient enough to let me, I can help guide couples into safe territory. Couples who do not want to be in pain, I can help guide in ways that facilitate creating a secure, supportive foundation to aid you in times of distress.

What are you doing to help yourself and your relationship feel alive and gentle? I urge you to be intentional and to not wait for the universe to provide you with excuses to fight or disagree or make each other miserable. Make conscious decisions to say and do things that help your partner feel secure with you. When you do that, they will want to give back to you. And there you go! You have created space between you to laugh, have fun, and to make love.

I am giving you a guaranteed recipe for a blessed way to spend your days and nights while here on this planet. Even when the heat makes you irritable with your partner! Even when I am grumpy and wilted with the humidity and pollution of a Toronto summer, if I intentionally realize Clo did not create this nor did the creator intend to give just me a lot of grief, I can relax and join with her rather than fight with her.

I am imagining sitting on our brand new yard lounger with a book and a beer, thinking, dreaming, humming a little tune, and watching the birds in the bird bath. My intent is to morph the perception of misery into the reality of connection and pleasure. You can do that too. It might not be so easy, but sure

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