On August 21, 2007, I had my first “event”, as I have come to call the hospitalizations I have had. This time last year was tough slugging. It was hot, humid, and I could feel the pollution in the air. I was having trouble breathing. I was even having trouble moving much. It’s been a challenging year and though I have more challenges ahead, I see the last twelve months as extraordinary. We have been to Austria twice and I have opened an office there. I am talking with a medical doctor about the possibility of opening an office in Kuwait. Life, growth, joy, near death; there is so much to celebrate and so much learning that I am doing.
Sometime during this week I am going to let 30 balloons go off the hill at the cemetery with my beautiful new bookmarks tied to the string. The bookmarks tell about my Toronto office on one side and the Vienna office on the other. These gift carrying balloons are my rockets of desire, exploding off the hillside where Aimee and I have had so very many mystical and magical moments.
I am pleased with what I have created out of the chaos and fear of several near death experiences. It is a healing and hopeful affirmation of life. When I have a goal or a dream I find the energy to move forward. Life would stop for me if I were to run out of dreams. At the beginning of each day, so as to get started into the opportunities ahead, I go over in my mind what I hope and intend to accomplish. If ever there was nothing more to accomplish, I would slow down to almost a complete stop.
My traumatic experience with death has left me with many gifts. One of which is exceeding gratitude to know I am so loved. Another is to fully realize how imperative it is, I think for all of us, to have something worthwhile and satisfactory to contribute every day. I may not “do” a lot and may well “be” much of the time. But even then I need to find usefulness. I have learned that sharing, loving, caring, being faithful and available, all contribute to my health and well-being. Equally all those positive feelings and that positive and powerful energy contributes to helping me heal myself and thus contribute significantly to helping to heal the world.
Many years ago I sat with a friend who was dying. We were going through our memories and times together over the years and making amends and sharing love. Monika said that she felt like as she was dying she was taking and no longer giving. It came to me as we sat together that indeed she was giving so very much. She was healing our relationship, she was honouring her life and our friendship, and she was being honest and genuine and transparent. That was absolutely enough. Even as she was dying, she had so much to give.
That is how we change the world. Every soul on the planet benefits when one or two people love, share honestly with each other, are vulnerable and celebrate hope. My own encounters with near death have shown me that refusing to give up and trusting in love can relieve fear and heal a broken heart. I had many gifted and skilled angels helping me stay alive. And I fought for myself from a positive and intentional mind. I have learned to embrace positive energy and to trust in a faith far bigger than myself. This is a faith I cannot see but I am learning to feel safely held.